I’m growing a beard faster than you are!

And other things you never expected to hear from your wife…

I have recently decided to start chronicling the various utterances of my lovely wife that come from out of the blue — AND, are words I never thought I’d hear coming from my wife.

We’ve all experienced it; our spouse asks us something that totally takes us by surprise. Sometimes the questions and/or statements come when you are alone, sometimes they come on the phone, sometimes they even come by text! But rest assured — they WILL come.

Today’s installment comes courtesy of a lunchtime call I just received from my wife:

ME: ‘Hellooooooo’ <dramatic sexy answering phone voice>

WIFE: ‘Are you sitting down?’

ME: ‘Hold on… Ok, I am now sitting down’

WIFE: ‘I am growing a beard faster than you are!’

ME: <Loud choking noises as I try to dislodge the fries from throat as the following picture flashes through my mind>

WIFE: ‘Hello? I know you heard me’

ME: <Louder choking noises as fries completely stop the Coke I drink to dislodge the fries>

WIFE: ‘Well, it’s official. I am going through Menopause. Hot flashes, low sex drive, and hair growing all over my face. I even had an erotic dream last night and it did nothing for me!’

ME: <Losing consciousness quickly — bangs head on table to dislodge food>

WIFE: ‘I’m gonna let you go, we’ll talk when you get home.

ME:

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