Is it possible to lend a damn?

Because I certainly don’t give one

I am struck by the commonly used phrase, “I don’t give a damn” (or fuck, shit, insert vernacular here) and how ubiquitous — and meaningless — it has become.

ME: “Can you believe they called Dez Bryant’s catch incomplete?”

RABID COWBOYS HATER: “I don’t give a damn”

This response to my question left me in a quandary. I was genuinely asking this person’s opinion of the play, and this was the thoughtful response. Suddenly, I found myself spiraling into a thought process I couldn’t escape; it was like my brain got to close to a black hole and my own thoughts couldn’t make it back to reality.

So, there I was staring blankly into space as I kept swirling around the following concept and singular question: “How would giving Dez Bryant a ‘damn’ have helped or hurt his catch/incomplete?”

Nonsense!

Balderdash!

Lunacy!

And yet, there I was, utterly and completely stuck by that one thought that would not go away.

The following day, I went to lunch with a co-worker. As we got in the car to head out, the following exchange occurred:

ME: “Where do you want to eat?”

CONSTIPATED COWORKER: “I don’t give a shit”

Great. Here we go again. This time, I was lucky; I didn’t get lost in the spiral of philosophical drudgery that captured me last time. I briefly thought about how it would have impacted me had my co-worker had felt more generous and decided that he would indeed, reach down into his pants and give me a shit.

GROSS

I am happy to say that it was much easier to stick with my diet plan that day.

Consider this a Public Service Announcement: Please, be careful with what you are willing to give or what you are unwilling to give. Might I suggest lending a damn — this way, you are not on the hook for the final result, and you still maintain a bit of distance from whatever it is you were wishy-washy about in the first place.

Except for fucks. Don’t lend fucks. That can get you in a lot of trouble.