22 Years From Home

Broken Ship, Deadly Planet, Confused Crew.

Cavitch, Seckel, and I are the only 3 survivors of this disastrous mission, but, for how long, remains to be seen. As the captain, I‘m responsible for our safe return. I have no idea how.

It’ll be light outside in a few minutes and then any number of perils could befall us. Seems like every kind of predator we can imagine is here. But no point in waking the others up. Captain’s log 02/14/2092 out.

“Too late,” said Cavitch. “I couldn’t help but overhear you record that you have no idea how the hell we’re getting home.”

“Sorry! How long have you been awake?”

“I’m never really asleep… So 19 days. It’s okay I’ll sleep when I’m dead, which won’t be long, sounds like.” She grumbled.

“Don’t move.”

“What? It’s not a twister, is it? Get it the fuck off of me! I hate those things!” She said.

“What do you want me to do? Shoot it off your leg with my mick? Just hold still. Wish it away… Okay it’s clear.”

[KZHAAAACK]

“Did you get it?”

“Yeah.”

“So you have no idea how to get us out of here, but you don’t want to listen to my ideas?” Said Cavitch, staring at me to answer. “How else can you explain that tyrannosaurus rex looking thing not killing us when it had the chance?”

“It can’t see us. I’m betting it can only detect motion. As long as we stay still, we’re safe.

[FFFFWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSHHHH]

“And what the hell IS that noise? It sounds like the whole planet is running on generators,” said Cavitch.

“I know it’s really frikken weird. I think it’s an underground geyser or a coolant injector because have you noticed it happens every 30 minutes?”

“Exactly?”

“Like clockwork. Hey, where the hell is Seckel? He should have been back by now.”

“Is it ‘by now’ already? Hahaha!” Chuckled Seckel who seemed to appear out of nowhere.

“What the fuck, Secky, where did you come from?” said Cavitch.

“Ithaca, originally, why?”

“Don’t be a wise ass… JEEZUS WHAT THE HECK HAPPENED TO YOUR ARM!!!” I shouted, noticing he had no arm.

“Oh Secky! … That was your favorite arm too,” Said Cavitch

“That velociraptor ripped it off, I guess…”

“Doesn’t it hurt like the Dickens, man? Do you need some meds?” I asked.

“Nah, haha! Haven’t you noticed? Nothing hurts on this planet. It’s like we’re not really here,” said Seckel.

“That’s exactly what I was saying! It’s like we’re drugged or something!” Cavitch continued, “Let’s retrace from the beginning. We were put into cryostasis for the 22-year toss over to Alpha Centauri, The ship thaws us back. Then goes non-op face first into this cesspit planet where everything is trying to kill us but nothing ever does. There was supposed to be ten of us, but the other 7 bled to death in their sleep due to a bad batch of cryoprotectant.” Said Cavitch.

“Yeah, okay, get to the point.”

“If they bled to death why is there no trace of blood or their DNA anywhere on the ship? And we were on the same pump feed. Why aren’t we dead too.”

“Their pods were ejected at sea,” I said.

“You mean, their bodies were ejected into the deep black,” Cavitch corrected me.

“You mean, their pods,” I corrected her back.

“Yeah I guess so, said Cavitch as she came over and grabbed hold of my arm.

“What are you doing?” I asked because she was being overly grabby and not professional.

[FFFFWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSHHHH]

“Kiss me,” said Cavitch.

Somehow, the frequency of that noise and its particular pitch is making me think of Cavitch as a woman. Like I’m being programmed to want her… I look around and realize Seckel’s not on the ship anymore. But his arm is here, wrapped up in plastic in the freezer. That’s good; maybe they can reattach it when we get back to civilization. Okay, now Cavitch has me in an arm bar… In my cryopod but it’s bigger than it really is. What in the world?… Where’s that light coming from? It’s too bright. It’s deadly bright… That light is killing me.

“Me too, I wish they would turn it the fuck off…” Said Cavitch.

But I wasn’t talking. I was just thinking my log entry to tell them about that horrible light! Ow!

That light is burning my skin! OOOWWwwwha? woah!… Oh my god!… Oh my god, je ne sais what? How the hell...

We’re back home…

just like that…

There’s Dr. Gupta, wait a minute. why is this so familiar?
My voice is still not working. What’s Cavitch saying?

“Do you mean to tell me we just spent 22 years in the deep black for nothing?”

“Cavitch, calm down, it wasn’t twenty-two years,” said Gupta, “It was 22 hours, and you guys never left this room. You were in a simuscape, in the CryoREM pod, just like we discussed, and you agreed to it.”

“Oh…

Good… where’s my credits? That sucked, by the way,” she said.

Oh my god… All that time… Just wasn’t! Okay, I’m getting some feeling back in my body… “But my arm is still numb.” I said aloud.

“Mine too,” said Seckel.