I enjoyed the article and consider it all to be good advice. I agree completely that if too many names are similar you often have to check back and that is an annoyance (lol- try writing of the Scottish clans; MacDuff, MacDonald, MacMillan, MacNab etc) but forget, for a second that I mainly agree with you, I did have a couple of points to make.
Firstly, “When there is an opportunity to use detail, use it”. I agree in broad terms but surely that depends upon the type of book you are writing. A history Book! of course add as much detail as possible. A thriller does not wish to be bogged down by you (doing a Hermann Hesse) describing a cloud for three chapters, it would spoil the flow of the story. and…
Secondly, “show don’t tell” again I broadly agree but it depends upon what you are writing. Peter Hoeg, Jean Paul Sartre, The afore’ mentioned Mr Hesse and even Voltaire, told rather than showed and it did not hurt them that much, a couple of “Nobel’s”, “Worlds best novel” awards and famed for pragmatism and realism.
Lastly I wished to send my condolences on your editors report, I know exactly how that feels. I have a number of books out there and, sadly, it never gets easier. My last novel came back with more red than black most pages including a wonderful short story contained in the pages telling of an earlier event that was all red with the word “Irrelevant” written across it. That said, trust your editor, they are truly your best friend when it comes to a workable novel. Oh and the very best of luck with the book.