Reviews for everything I bought on Amazon in 2014

Sam Biddle is one funny guy. Nick Denton’s right, he’s one of the last pure bloggers with a sense of style and writing that punches right at the chest. I’m sure he’s a nice guy, but he acts like a dick and a cyberbully (for his job?). I stood next to him once outside the Manhattan Center for the unveiling of the PlayStation 4 (the boringest 2 hours where Sony didn’t even show the damn fucking box).

Sam’s post “Everything I Bought on Amazon in 2015, Reviewed” struck a chord with me. It made me think about what I bought last year. I paid $79 for Amazon Prime (before the hike to $99), mainly for 2 day shipping. What’d I blow my money on? Let’s take a look, from beginning to end.

Bought this for the controller. The game was a bonus. I was hoping to play this with my ex-girlfriend and her sisters. Never even opened it. Paid $0 for it because I have an Amazon Chase credit card. I used the “Amazon credits” to pay for it. Original price: $43.54

This was for my ex-girlfriend. Original price: $14.76

Ex-girlfriend also needed this. She hated the suck-style cap that come with Klean Kanteens. Original price: $10.77

Shaving. It’s necessary. I also like having the a buncha blades on my razor. Forget if this has 4 or 5 blades. Whatever. Original price: $5.98

To wipe my ass with. Duh. And I hate carrying toilet paper home from Target. Funny musing: do Chinese supermarkets even sell toilet paper? I’ve never seen them. Maybe I’m just not looking. Original price: $24.98

Random gift for ex. Big mistake. She played this stupid ass game all the fucking time. Note to self: never buy girlfriends video games. Ever. You’ll never get time with them again. Original price: $34.83

Was sick and tired of wiping all my glasses, tablets, smartphones and glass TV (I own a Sony “monolithic” HDTV made from Gorilla Glass) with paper towels. Microfiber cloths are great and re-usable and don’t scratch. Just apply water. Original price: $13.94

The 24-pack ran out really quickly. I used them to wipe everything. They were so good I bought more. This time a 48-pack. Original price: $24.19

I reviewed the Sony A6000 (in silver) for Mashable. It was such a fast camera with such fast autofocusing I bought my own. Got it with these two lenses. Great deal. Original price: $1056.40

I finished Super Mario 3D World for Wii U and it was so great and I love Mario so I decided to get some more. This is for the 3DS. I played a couple of worlds and haven’t touched it since. I should get back to it. The thing about Mario games is that if you leave them for too long, you don’t wanna go back and get back into them. Original price: $27.91

I was an idiot. I need paper towels (for wiping stuff and for cleaning my hands before touching my contacts) and I ordered two 6-counts by accident thinking one of them was toilet paper. Didn’t notice the mistake until they got here. At least I didn’t have to re-order again so soon. Original price: $22.19

Had to get more toilet paper eventually after the fuck up a few days earlier. I like soft toilet paper on my ass and not rubbing it with stiff newspaper-like paper. If I’m going to do that I might as well use leaves or you actual newspaper. Original price: $26.06

My best friend and I hatched this idea to shoot videos for Dapper Guide. We did. We needed a lavalier mic to clip to the bartender and we didn’t want to spend a fortune. This one plugs right into the iPhone and works a lot better than just getting audio from the Sony A6000 (note: you can’t plug a mic into it :’( ). Original price: $79

This was my favorite movie of 2013. For $10, it was a steal. It was also the first time I used Amazon Locker because I was in Chicago. Worked like a charm, although I had to drag my ass to Skyview Center to pick it up. Original price: $9.69

$83 for the Pennyboard and $39.99 for Super Smash Bros. 3DS. The skateboard was a way to distract me and help me through my breakup. It helped, until it got too cold to go skateboard. Love the color, though. SSB 3DS was a game I got to play with the ex. So much for that. I’ve barely even touched it after opening it. Craziest part: I pre-ordered it on Newegg and forgot all about that one. Had to return it back. Original price: $126.54

I went on a cabin trip with my friends at Livingston Manor in early November. We needed a game. This seemed like a popular one. The cards get old, though once you cycle through them all and I don’t think I want to spend more on the expansion packs. They now sit on my shelf. Maybe I’ll sell them for cheaper to someone else. Original price: $25

For my Fujifilm Instax Mini 90. Wanted to make sure we all got some fun pics on our trip. Kinda wish I bought more now. A 2-pack box used to be like $15. Now it’s $20 basically making it $1 a shot. This 5-pack set made each shot $0.84 a shot. Original price: $42

Time Warner Cable does this shitty thing of “renting” its customers a cable modem. The rental fee was at like $5.99 or something and increasing so I decided to show them by buying my own cable modem. I didn’t want to buy a separate router so I got this 2–in-1 cable modem/router. I swear my 30Mbps down/5 Mbps up is not as fast as it was with theirs. I keep doing Speedtests and it shows it’s good, but I definitely feel the Wi-Fi is slow and doesn’t connect as well. YouTube videos take longer to load for sure. Resetting the thing helps, but I don’t want to do that all the time. TWC is almost definitely throttling me a little and lying about it it. Fuck them. If I had a choice of leaving them for someone else, I would, but I don’t because they’re a damn monopoly. Original price: $114.55

This is actually not for me. My little sister bought this for my big sister for Xmas. She paid me back, so I won’t include it in my final 2014 subtotal. I did get the Amazon Prime 3x points though. Woohoo.

I first played DriveClub at E3 in 2013, before the PS4 launched later that year. It seemed like a good game for a launch title. Problem is, it was delayed. The final game is said to be different. It’s a beautiful game for sure, but god the career mode is a grind. I played it a few times and haven’t touched it since. Kinda regret buying this. Original price: $38.10

Okay, whew, that took a while to go through. So my final sub-total for stuff I bought off Amazon in 2014 was: $1,739.73. That’s a lot of moolah. But, the truth is I actually spent $1,089.89 because the other $649.84 worth of stuff I got for “free” was purchased using Amazon credits accrued from the year’s worth of credit card swiping.

What else did I learn? I bought a bunch of stuff for my ex. And most of the other goods were house goods (toilet paper, cleaning, etc.) and video games.

At least I didn’t spend my money on a bunch of Lightning cables only to lose them. Sam, I feel for ya.