Finding strength in loneliness…

…and becoming whole.

Happy Monday everyone! Hope you all had the chance to celebrate with Mother’s day with the lovely ladies in your lives.

I reactivated my Facebook last week after several months (it’s the best way to get in touch with people for events). The news feed piqued my curiosity and in a flash, I experienced the facebook loneliness phenomenon — while at lunch with my whole family.

I resolved to deactivate my facebook after my house warming but gave it more thought. Why should other people’s activities have any bearing on my happiness or behavior?

A few hours later (after some serious retail therapy), I found myself on my bicycle, riding down the roads of my (new) old haunts in New Brunswick and that’s when it hit me: I didn't know where to go.

I started by visiting the local park by my old apartment (I shouldn't even qualify it as an apartment; it was a balcony-turned-bedroom thanks to our slumlord). Passing by the old place, I noticed a few girls standing outside who looked no older than I did the summer I moved in. That summer — and year — was one filled with many firsts. The first time I co-habited with someone (and learned that sharing space is not easy in a tiny bedroom). The first time I traveled on a trip without my family. The first time I seriously considered hurting myself.

Nostalgia truly is bittersweet. Onward to Bucchleuch park, I thought, to put in some laps and clear my mind as old memories rushed back and new fears bloomed. Then… I stopped thinking and looked around.

I’d never properly experienced the park. The bright green hues of leaves on deciduous trees and their stark contrast against the pines had gone unnoticed. The fragrance of flowers in bloom and the lushness of the grass on which they laid had not been felt. I watched as runners ran by, pounding one foot after the other on the hard concrete, breathing heavily to keep their bodies in motion just one moment longer. In that moment, everything felt connected.

While I was disappointed to head home, I realized that on that solitary bike ride (and on most solitary runs), I felt whole. It had been far too long since I’d experienced this and my heart longed for more.

Friends — we spend far too much time agonizing over how other people feel about us and not nearly enough time on how we feel about ourselves and the world. It’s time to switch perspectives. Leave your cubicles during lunch today. Smell the roses. Feel the ground beneath your feet. Appreciate the warmth of a genuine hug. And enjoy a meal without posting it to instagram for god’s sake!

Appreciate the present moment and realize that every moment — not matter how minuscule — is extraordinary and we’re lucky to be alive.