The past 8 months

“This was by far the worst year of my life”

“2015 sucked”

These types of comments I never understood. How could someone have 12 months of just overbearing negativity- 365 days of just a dark cloud storming over them. I thought before that something terribly tragic would have to happen to my life in order for me to define a year as “the worst of my life.”

In 2015, I started college at a university of over 40,000 students.

In 2015, I started my career path in engineering.

In 2015, for the first time in my life, most of my friends were Chinese-American, like me.

In 2015, I thought I left the trauma with my parents behind me forever.

In 2016, I was ripped apart and discriminated against from everything to my “white-washed clothing choices” to my “lack of Chinese culture” by those I thought were my friends and my own skin color.

In 2016, I felt outcasted- and spent more time alone than I had in my whole life.

In 2016, I started seeing myself differently- questioning where I fit in with society.

In 2016, my grandmother passed away. I never knew her- or any of my grandparents.

In 2016, the traumatic experiences I had with my parents became my demons.

In 2016, I sought mental therapy for the first time in my life.

In 2016, I dropped out of the university and will attend a community college.

It’s not even September yet and 2016 has been the most difficult year of my life so far. Although I have learned more about myself than I ever have, I know I have huge mental obstacles ahead of me for the next few years. For my whole life, I tried to put the past behind me and burry it deep beneath the ground- use it to fuel myself- use my past as strength but I realized, I wasn’t ready yet.

2016 sucks.

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