When Things Go Wrong

Kelly Read
Nov 4 · 5 min read
Photo by Cyrus Chew on Unsplash The face I try not to make in class

When it’s not working

The classroom usually takes a while to settle. Some years longer than others. Usually, October is my favorite month because that’s when things are really running smoothly, there’s not a lot of holidays, and we start having some good weather here in southern California. And then there’s the Octobers where it still feels like August. Things are not running smoothly.

My own feelings and emotions are my biggest indicator as to how my classroom is doing. There are times when I spend too much time feeling frustrated, irritated, and discouraged. Too many nights when I’m dreaming about my students, and not in a good way. Too much time on date nights with my husband talking about my frustrations, and my struggles. Luckily now when it happens I can more quickly get the first step to improving my situation.

Step one, take responsibility.

I am a professional, but it took me a long time to get to the place where I acted like one when things weren’t going my way. It was easier to blame the children, the parents, or the lack of support at school. It was easier to complain longer and louder as if that was actually going to help. It was easier to look back on my good years and think “see, I’m a good teacher, so it can’t be me”

This is not to say that some children are not more difficult than others. Or that sometimes I really don’t have the support of parents. Sometimes I have felt let down by administration or support teams at work. Those are all real things. Those can all be addressed as well. But in the end, the only way to move forward is to take that first step and take responsibility. This moves me into my place of power.

Step two, decide to take action from a place of love.

Whatever new systems I have to put in place need to come from a place of love. Whatever assumptions I need to challenge I have to do it from a place of love. If I put in place more structure from a place of control, anger, and judgment, I will squeeze the joy out, and it will fail. It just will. Or it will be unsustainable. And even if it works for a while, It won’t feel good. If I add that extra guidance and structure with love, the children will feel supported and it just might work!

In the past, I have felt justified in making the children feel bad as I quote ‘freedom and responsibility”. I have used our Montessori principles to stifle and berate. I’m not proud of it. That moment would come when things felt out of control, when I was disappointed and frustrated, and my first instinct was to hold tighter and to allow those negative emotions to ooze out of my clenched fist. It has taken a long time to see it when it happens. And longer still to see it coming and make a better choice.

What does this look like? Smile, be playful, listen to your words, listen to your tone, slow down, and take deep breaths. Ask the questions, what is the best version of myself? Who do I want to be in this moment? What is the bigger picture?

Step three, observe

Look at when breakdowns occur. Remember observation is the cornerstone of our work. It is around transition times? Do the children have a hard time choosing work? Is there no deep or big work happening? Are my academic expectations too high, causing frustration? Are there areas of the room that are not working? Is there an arbitrary ‘rule’ that is actually causing conflict or stress? Sometimes a group of new students comes in with a different set of skills and needs. Often I am assuming I can do the same thing I did last year and it will work. Each student is different. Each combination of students changes the class dynamic. I have to take the time to see what is working and what is not.

Four, experiment

Try different things. Abandon them when they don’t work. Embrace them when they do and then don’t be sad when they stop working. Do it with love. Ask peers and co-workers for help. Be humble. Take advice. Try it. Why not? The changes and techniques that will work will depend on your children. Don’t be afraid to try something new.

Forgive

I mess up. I go home and replay the movie of me not doing the thing that I have committed myself to do. I get snappy. I say ‘no’ for no good reason. It happens. When this happens I have learned to forgive myself. I go back to the classroom and say sorry. I start again.

Simplify

Often when I’m having a difficult period in the classroom I need to simplify. I need to simplify wherever I can. The energy it takes to stay soft, and calm and think through my next action is more important than the schedule I set for myself in July. I need to focus on systems that work and on giving lessons. I need to focus on staying in the moment and seeing the child where they are at. I can be a bit of a type-A personality when it comes to checking things off of a list. I have to give myself permission to make the right decision in the moment even if it means I don’t get to check the box. This may mean simplifying in my personal life as well. Which brings me to self-care.

Self-care

When things are harder at work, it is all the more important that I stop working. I set a time to be done. I don’t check emails after a certain time. I do things I enjoy. I pursue my hobbies. I nurture my friendships. Being a complete, fed, whole human being will help me in my daily practice of teaching. I commit to taking impeccable care of myself. I eat in ways that make me feel good. I schedule movement in my day. I take time every day to meditate and read.

This thing we have chosen to do is never easy. And sometimes it is even less easy. When things feel wrong I take responsibility and approach my work with humility and love so that I can find my way back to joy.

Welcome to a place where words matter. On Medium, smart voices and original ideas take center stage - with no ads in sight. Watch
Follow all the topics you care about, and we’ll deliver the best stories for you to your homepage and inbox. Explore
Get unlimited access to the best stories on Medium — and support writers while you’re at it. Just $5/month. Upgrade