Becoming More Spiritual
If you’re reading this, you’re probably asking yourself, “What can I do to appear more in touch with The Almighty than my Christian counterparts?” Well, I’ll tell you.
Below, you’ll find a comprehensive guide with tips and tricks to help you gain more favorability with God, ultimately securing yourself a spot among Heaven’s most elite.
Find your “ism”
- As a post-postmodern follower of Christ, it’s not enough to just call yourself a Christian nowadays. If you don’t understand and follow the philosophies of at least one Renaissance Reformist, how can you expect to distinguish yourself from the less affluent?
Pray loudly and often (in public of course)
- When it comes to prayer, it’s best not to appear too eager, so stick to the 5 second rule; If no one volunteers to pray after 5 seconds, sheepishly and semi-reluctantly volunteer. At this point, you’ve already proven how superior you are in your spirituality, but it’s time to seal the deal. This is your chance to break out your extensive theological vocabulary and utilize every Greek and Hebrew word in your vernacular. Remember though, we’re not trying to impress people, we’re trying to impress God.
Make a joyful noise
- Being the already spiritual person you are, it is likely that you play a significant role in your church worship band. As everyone knows, people choose their church based on how impressive the worship services are, so yield not. It’s important to incorporate every post-folk revival instrument in your reservoir to ensure that every song is pleasing to your mostly Gen-X and Millennial audience. Remember: Cajons = Sanctification.
- If you didn’t Instagram, Blog, Snap, Stream, Foursquare, Podcast, or Tweet it, did it even happen?
Drink those Holy Grounds
- It’s important to awaken your inner beatnik with a cup o’ Joe before diving right in to your Francis Chan or Rick Warren book, or cracking open your thinline, cross-reference ESV, so that you may achieve maximum comprehension and clarity. Obviously the java must be ethically sourced, locally roasted, and only brewed via french press or pour-over. The stronger the brew, the stronger your faith.
Call Him Yeshua, not Jesus.
- This needs no explanation
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