Obsessed With Success

Reagan Collier-Hogan

Since I was 5 days old, I have been given expectations.

Expectations from my family, before I even knew what they were.

Now I set my standards higher than anyone else could.

It’s a never ending cycle.

I work so hard to build myself it sometimes breaks me down.

This obsession causes anything less than perfection to be unacceptable.

I have always been expected to be the best, I don’t know how to settle for anything less than that.

I have never been able to be average, and I am thankful for that.

But this is both a blessing and a curse.

Because once I do fail at something, I don’t know how to deal with it.

A failing grade, a fight with my parents or a bad volleyball game.

I automatically think worse case scenario which sends me into a panic attack.

Along with a few curse words and maybe some tears.

“I suck.”

Is a statement that runs through my head on the daily.

I hate losing or failing with a passion; it makes me feel sick.

Sometimes to the point where I can’t handle it.

But the farther I make it in life the more mistakes I make.

And the farther I go, the farther my goals stretch.

So accepting mistakes has become easier, but I’ll never be able to accept average.

It’s a control thing for me.

People leave, and not everything goes the way you plan,

But perseverance has always stayed constant in my life.

Hard work has always come easy for me.

But who knew being obsessed with success could be so hard.