Being Better Than Alpha Male

You can be very attractive — and also fulfilled.

Alden Del Rey
7 min readJun 25, 2020
Photo by Julius Drost on Unsplash

The alpha male narrative that you’ve heard is wrong.

“Be a free thinker and don’t accept everything you hear as truth.” — Aristotle

Saber tooth tigers, migrating tribes of people who rely on trust with one another, countless generations of our bloodlines…human evolution is part of our human history. The benefits and drawbacks of evolution are a part of us; every one of us. That includes males and females…every single person on the planet. And it holds true, whether someone is in denial about evolution or they’re not. Do you want a good example? Here’s a scientific fact: we humans have a fused vertebrae down our spine, called a coccyx, also known as the tailbone. To show the leap it takes to understand evolution as being a real part of you, in our modern advanced society, just raise your hand if you have a human friend sporting…a swishing tail between their legs. Seriously. Okay good, nobody. Phew. If one person on the planet had a real wagging tail like our dog friends, a video of that would have more YouTube clicks than any other video created, ever. Yet we all possess a tailbone. From tails, made into relics, once our ancestors learned how to walk. This scientific point is obvious — but something less obvious is that our minds, and emotional lives are modeled from the same process.

Once you can accept evolution as being true, playing out like a drama in our daily lives, we want to make use of it. And the interesting thing about evolution is that’s it’s not to be read about in a book, or learned in a class and put away to collect dust. It’s human psychology; alive, embedded into our love lives, woven into our DNA and a force in our interactions with dates, girlfriends and wives. Because as people, there are certain underlying forces that drive us, and whether we realize them or we don’t — it doesn’t matter, because it’s always going to stay there, like the mane on a lion.

“A leopard cannot change his spots”. — Jeremiah 13:23, para.

There Are Wrong Explanations Everywhere You Look

It’s a jump in logic — from explaining evolution exists, to making this claim. But it’s based on gaining deep education in evolution, plenty of first-hand and second-hand experiences, and tons of observations in the real world, not to mention music and its lyrics. So, one of these evolution groups that goes overboard is ‘red pill’. I loathe them, actually. It is part of my motivation for writing, to erase the damage this line of thinking causes to society. This group goes to an extreme that eventually leads to dissatisfaction for all involved. The shortcomings in Red Pill is self-evident and obvious. Red Pill lifers who try long term relationships including marriage actually call it “Red Pill on hard mode”. The last thing these men would ever want to do is admit weakness; that term is very telling about many of them have failed. Their control — once easy, slipping beyond their grasp. Lost in a facade which over time reveals dishonesty, and results in broken trust. And eventually, anger, fighting, cruelty, and mutual isolation. And breakups. It’s a faithless path.

There are also groups on the other end of the sex spectrum; that will only know attraction in ways that are diluted and politically correct. You’ve come across politically correct sex advice before, but I’m not going to point out any names. You know the kind of material I’m talking about. But this end has its share of valid and useful points. Some, only. The man kind of man at discussion here is somewhere between these two ends. I want to point out that rare and happy somewhere to you. And trust me, it’s no mythical fantasy; this sweet spot exists. Without having to sell your soul in the process, or having an average love life when you can discover your path to becoming exceptional.

Some contrast: a good example of where some of the effects of this human evolution come into play. On one end, you have a man who is very emotional, wildly fluctuating up and down moods, could even be quite successful when it comes their career. But despite that, you’ll find — very troubled when it comes to holding sexual relationships for any real stretch of time. I.e., this kind of man is likely to get mistreated and have his heart crushed. And you may know somebody like this. Let’s switch to the other extreme of the spectrum: another man who is unemotional, nonreactive. Assuming other things are equal, this man is going to fare better in his relationships than the previous. Every. Single. Time. Why? Evolution. Over hundreds of generations, females naturally became attracted to more generally stable, emotionally consistent men instead of turbulent ones. An obvious and also true explanation is that it helped them and others around them to survive better. The instinct — the preference, was developed over thousands of years.

So, here are a couple of basic methods that you can starting plugging in to your life right away. One is to give your real opinions to your partner. Stick with me on this — some of you are thinking that you are already honest, or that it is not an important point. It shows a strength of opinion, courageous mindset, and that is attractive. Just think about it for a minute. Have there been any times where you fibbed in your relationship, saying something vanilla because you thought she’d like you more for it? Have you ever sat through a movie, like a Rom-com you didn’t really want to, because you thought it would score you relationship points? Next time it happens, say you don’t like the movie, and pick one that you’re actually going to enjoy. And again, I know some of you are thinking it seems like a small thing. But it adds up over time. Speaking out with unabashed opinions helps keep your relationships running smoothly. You’ll feel better — you’ll prevent repressed frustration. And she’ll gain some fresh respect for you.

Second — and because this ties back to being stable and consistent: Even if it’s only once a month, or once every two, it’s a good idea to pick up a good caliber journal and jot in an complete entry. A key is to: freely write as your thoughts come to mind. Don’t allow yourself to think about what you’ll write, before you write it. Imagine Jackson Pollock-style, some uninhibited ink. In the moment. The free flow gives you some emotional catharsis. It helps place things into some order and perspective. Don’t worry if the first entry doesn’t come out to your liking. Like anything in life, your free flow can improve with time and practice. The journal entries bring clarity to where you are at emotionally, any struggles in your life to be challenged, meaningful goals you want to set, as well as good areas of your life you can be grateful for. Go back and re-read prior Jackson Pollack journal entries from time to time when you feel confused or stalled.

Now, I don’t want to think that my writing will over promise and under deliver. Because that’s not the case. The tips in this one article may seem ordinary…they are, but the reasoning behind them is not. Some of the things I write about are unordinary, and some things will be straight-up against common sense. The points I write are useful in their own right, but the elements weave into something greater than the sum of its parts. The knowledge needs to be spread out across a number of articles, certainly not in just one or two articles. Finally, I’m glad you’re still here reading, and don’t feel like this whole process and its points are ordinary…there’s no feeling like reaching a point where you can be and stay with women, no matter their looks or even their position in life, okay?

Points in Summary

You’ll be able to gain choices with attractive women if you’re single now, or boost a sexual relationship you’re already in, while keeping your integrity and a remarkable purity of soul. You’ll be able to find a special female who you’re both visually attracted to, and has a good personality. Stop settling for just one or the other…or worse, neither!

  • Evolution is a fact about life — adapting to it in clever ways is key.
  • Alpha thinking openly encourages selfishness & narcissism — destructive qualities in the long term…in a world that has too much of it already.
  • Men and women alike are capable of actualizing; pretty far beyond a cave person’s mind. That being said, primal instinct effortlessly holds its own.
  • If you’re early on in a dating relationship, about to date, or want to know more, you can read my article Early Dating Rules for Guys.

Gain knowledge about what works with sexual attraction into your life, and use it to your advantage. But without taking it to a dysfunctional extreme, as many make the mistake of doing, in one direction or the other. Or a total lack of direction. Regardless of your looks, or situation in life, keep learning and striving and you’re going to eventually become that guy in the sparkling eyes of interest-piqued women if dating, or strengthen a bond that you already have. And most importantly, you’ll be able to keep your character intact, and cultivate a real inner well being.

Photo by Sebastien Gabriel on Unsplash

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Alden Del Rey

Well being — blended with a spicy serving of human evolution psychology. I write how-to’s for better relationships and self-improvement.