Last weekend I had the unique opportunity and distinct privilege of attending a Ukrainian wedding in Kiev, Ukraine.
Sasha’s cousin, Ira was marrying Andrey. Out of respect, I won’t try to spell their last names here — plus I’m not sure I have all the necessary keys on my keyboard. Nevertheless, they are both beautiful people that I had already had an opportunity to meet during my first trip to Kiev last year.
Walking off the plane in Kiev I remember feeling very excited for a variety of reasons. One, in particular, stands out: foreign weddings are guaranteed to be incredibly entertaining.
Why?
Beyond countless moments of interesting cultural custom comparison, every culture’s weddings are overflowing with the good food, drink, dancing and general good juju.
A trip around the world by way of wedding would be extremely fun, potentially too much so.
Here are some disjointed memories and observations to give you a sense of what it’s like to get married in Ukraine. If I’m lucky, you’ll make it to then end of this post. If you’re lucky, you’ll marry into a Ukrainian family and experience all of this for yourself.
The hours leading up to the wedding are very eventful in Ukraine. The basic premise of what I’m about to describe is the groom must to go the home of his bride and buy her from her parents.
Before he’s allowed inside to see/take her, he must complete a series of challenges. Pre supposedly to prove his worth as a suitor.
Around noon the groom, groomsmen, bridesmaids and a few others gathered outside Ira’s parent’s apartment to ascertain whether or not Andrey had what it took to successfully ransom Ira. [Note: it reads poorly when I write about this in a transactional nature. It’s more funny tradition than actual transaction. Mostly a relic from the past as far as I could tell].
The maid of honor came up with about ten challenges that ranged from the groom and best man completing different dances to the groom navigating a maze of water bottles on the street while blindfolded. To guide him the groomsmen said “Buy her flowers” to indicate “right” and “Draw her a bath” to indicate “left.” It’s equally funny to listen to this when you fully understand Russian, and, don’t at all understand Russian.
If, and, more often, when the groom screws up during these challenges his best man must pay the bridesmaids. Over the course of Andrey’s challenges, his best man had to shell out about $20 USD.
Once he completed each challenge he was allowed into his bride’s parents home.
Inside Ira and Andrey’s parents waited bearing gifts. Each set gave the new couple a pair of framed photos. One depicted Jesus while the other showed his mother, Mary.
These photos were the only non-secular moment of the day. I’m sure there’s a fascinating history of how Christian themes faded as Ukrainian soil came under Soviet — and atheist — control for over 100 years. I don’t know it, though, sorry.
After a few photos, it was onto — you guessed it — more photos! Photos are a staple of every culture’s wedding experience. At the moment they are beyond boring and decidedly forced. I guess as time passes they earn their keep as meaningful mementos.
After photos by the Dnieper river, it was onto the dinner.
At the reception hall hosting our dinner, we were met by Ira’s father. He was holding a gigantic cake. Known as the Korovai, the cake represents a blessing from the community to the new couple. During hard times often the cake was enough to constitute a marriage in the eyes of the community.
The scarf below the Korovai is also very symbolic. It’s known as the Rushnyk. Shortly after this photo, the Rushnyk was laid out before the couple. Tradition holds that whoever steps on the Rushnyk first will the head of the household.
When we arrived at the wedding dinner table, it was beautifully decorated. In Ukraine, it’s bad luck not to have oodles of food on the table when your guests enter. Altogether about 40 people sat down for dinner.
The meal swiftly commenced once everyone sat down. To accompany the bounty, there was an Emcee. He began the night in a suit but morphed into different characters throughout the evening. This guy was a great addition to the party. He was part emcee, part clown and part game show host.
The meal followed a rhythmic cadence. As we ate everyone took turns toasting the newlyweds with a short speech. And I do mean everyone. Ukrainian weddings are not for the soft-spoken. If you’re going, you better plan to speak. I gave my toast in English. I had no idea if anyone understood me, so I just tried to smile a lot. Sasha’s toast, in Russian, was much better.
Here’s the kicker, though. After every toast, you’re expected to do a communal clinking of glasses and drinking. Sasha and I each probably drank a bottle of Vodka over the course of 40 toasts. You don’t have to drink Vodka but come on…when in Kiev.
After every toast, the room chants “Gorka!” Gorka is the Russian word for bitter. The chant is invoked to encourage the newlyweds to stand up and kiss in front of the room. Their “sweet” kiss cures the bitterness. Chanting is beloved by all Earth’s inhabitants so as you may imagine Gorka chants fill the room all night long.
Sidebar: The Danish have a similar tradition of banging knives against their dinner plates. I learned this at a French wedding last year where a Danish contingent periodically confused everyone else by banging their plates. At first most thought they were just rudely demanding the main course.
At the start of the meal, I had a glass of wine. Then switched to vodka. No big deal, right? Well, amongst the millenial Russian banter at our end of the table I was the butt of a joke that Sasha clued me in on the next day. They were laughing about me drinking wine and vodka — a big no-no if you’re at a heavy drinking event. Pick your poison and stick with it for the duration. I can attest this is good advice. Don’t ever question the wisdom of Ukrainian drinkers. These people have three aisles in the grocery store dedicated to hard liquor.
After every five toasts, the emcee would declare a smoke break and the room would clear out fast. Smoking is very prevalent in Ukraine. Easy to overlook coming from Utah but if you’re throwing a wedding in Ukraine or most other parts of the world, you’re giving out smoke breaks as party favors.
Beyond drinking and smoking, the eating was delightful. The food consisted of pickled vegetables, fresh salads, colorful fruits and myriad different meat preparations. Everything was served family style which only added to the idea of unity that we were in attendance to celebrate.
After dinner everyone hit the dance floor for more emcee hosted fun. Most remarkable was a West Side Story-style dance off. All the men assembled on one side of the dance floor facing the women on the other. Each group took turns performing a dance toward the other.
In a flash of anxiety and confusion, I was pushed to the front to lead MJ’s Thriller dance. Little did anyone in attendance know, this was my homeroom’s talent show talent in 7th grade. In my mind, I quickly knocked off 16 years of rust and nailed every step — my zombie man crew mirroring me from behind. In the minds of everyone else, I’m sure it looked like I was hopelessly failing to scratch an itch in the middle of my back.
There’s an important life lesson there: If you’re willing to make a fool of yourself with a smile on your face, you’ll excel in weddings — and just about anything else.
As the dance floor thinned, the emcee brought the whole room together for one last ceremony. Everyone held a candle as the group collectively wished Ira and Andrey a happy and prosperous life together. It was a very touching way to wind down to festivities.
All told the experience was one I’ll never forget. It was a privilege to take part in Ira and Andrey’s union. They are a great couple, and I know they’ll enjoy a lifetime of happiness together.
