Happy Valentine’s Day from Love’s Hard Lessons
If the aliens looked down from space, they would have seen my relationship crash and burn. Just six months ago I was dating a perfect human being. We fell in love, then we fell to the bottom of the barrel. Instead of pretending, instead of letting ourselves sour down there, we did a much more difficult and unthinkable thing. We said goodbye. I respect us for understanding that the relationship was over and cutting it loose like a fish back into the sea.
I still feel gross, maybe I sat in spilled 711 slushee on the subway, maybe my dog died, maybe this empty disgusting feeling is coming from anywhere but my own broken heart.
Do I ever tell myself that I’m stupid, ugly or incapable? Not consciously, but the feelings are still deep down there.
Do I recognize how perfect and divine I am? Do I act like it?
If not, I would be careful about asking anyone else to fill those gaps, because it’s not possible. Only I can do that for myself. Asking someone else to pick up where my insecurity left off is not love.
When the aliens flipped to my channel, they saw me think of my partner before I even checked in with myself. Tsk they shook their heads. “Unsustainable” they commented. They watched me suppress my the-world-is-ending sadness. I shoved those feelings down my throat…
