I did something similar in my late teens-early twenties. At my peak I was 5'2" 205 lbs, got down to 145 lbs then bounced back up to 185 lbs at about 5'8" not much longer and eventually have stabilized at a healthy 165 lbs.
It took me years to realize I’m healthy and in good shape. I still get the urge to pinch my stomach or try to shake the fat on my body just to see how much it jiggles but that insecurity has slowly left me, over time.
The hardest part of it all tho was, and still is, how to socialize. It was incredibly hard not going out with friends at such a young age to socialize but I knew it was just something I couldn’t do. And it was incredibly isolating. I still avoid partying and eating ridiculous foods/portion sizes they offer at restaurants but as I’ve aged (I’m still only 26 now) it’s become more and more acceptable to avoid happy hour type situations and grab lunch, take a hike or just hangout at happy hour instead of partake for the sake of group behavior.
However, out of this feeling of isolation and silence I have come to appreciate the amount of will power I have built up through everything. At 26 I feel so much more prepared to be successful in the long term than many of my peers because I so freely choose to do what’s best for me despite outside pressures and desire to do things just to gain friends. I’ve come to realize the people you want in your life will filter themselves in or out based on you living how you need to.
Anyone worth having in your life will stick around because they enjoy who you are as a person and how you make them feel, not what you do to assimilate with their life and how they behave. I may have less “friends” than most but the ones I do have are incredible human beings.
Congrats to you, Chris Higgins for what you’ve done. I wish my dad would do the same because I fear him not seeing many of my (or my potential future family’s) life events because of his state of being, but I know there has to be some switch flip internally and as much as I want him to change I know nothing I say will do it. But thank you for putting this out there for the people who will listen.