In Major Defeat for Emperor, Death Star Superlaser Not Fully Operational

Stephen Hood
3 min readMar 25, 2017

CORUSCANT — Imperial Senate leaders, facing a revolt among the numerous planetary systems in the galaxy, and growing dissent between the ranks of the more moderate members of the Republic and the religious hardliners led by Sith Lord Darth Vader, have postponed any further tests of the so-called Death Star “Superlaser.”

“We’re going to be living with the rebellion for the foreseeable future,” Grand Moff Tarkin conceded shortly after the Senate announced there would be no further “demonstrations” of the space stations power.

The failure of the Empire to create a weapon powerful enough to destroy entire planetary systems comes to a blow to Emperor Palpatine and underscores the divisions among the Galactic Empire. Despite early misgivings about Mr. Palpatine’s foibles, including his remarks about Jedi’s and his approval of enhanced methods of torture, Senators were lining up behind the ambitious plan to hastily build the space station.

Hardline members of the Senate, supported by Mr. Vader, believed that the Death Star was but one component to the fight against the rebellion.

“The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the force,” Mr. Vader said. He continued to refer to the Death Star as a technological error.

Infighting amongst members of the military was evident over the past three months as initial tests of the Superlaser continued to be delayed. Orson Krennic, Director of Advanced Weapons Research for the Imperial Military, blamed bureaucratic hoops and logistics for the delay but said things were still moving forward.

“The Rebellion will explode,” Mr. Krennic said, “They’re going to have a bad year — watch.”

Mr. Palpatine expressed weariness with the effort to build a space station roughly the size of a small moon. “Look, we’ve had no help from the rebels. Not one of them has come to us and say, ‘Ya know, I see what you’re trying to do and I’d like to help.’ So that’s been a problem.”

In a day of high drama, Mr. Tarkin spoke via hologram with Mr. Palpatine who admitted he could no longer find consensus support for the Superlaser program in the Imperial Senate. With restoring order to the galaxy as one of Mr. Palpatine’s major promises that led to his rise to power, members of his inner circle, including Mr. Vader, are now discussing the nuclear option of possibly dissolving the Republic.

“You can’t pretend and say that this is a win for us,” Mr. Vader said. He admitted it was a “good moment” for the rebellion.

Mr. Tarkin said it was time to move on. “There are other issues that we can focus on right now. Like the location of the hidden rebel base.”

While there is speculation that the location of the rebel stronghold is on Dantooine, many experts consider that system far too remote.

“Let’s just for a moment breathe a sigh of relief for the people of the galaxy,” Rebel leader Mon Mothma said via hologram. “The Death Star is just so cartoonishly malicious that I can picture someone twirling their mustache as they drafted the plans for its construction.”

The indefinite delay of another test of the Superlaser buys the rebels a significant amount of time to build sympathies in what remains of the Republic. As construction continues, however, the Death Star remains in orbit around Jedha where Imperial Forces are furiously mining for Kyber Crystals, which are necessary to the functionality of the weapon.

The mining of the crystals has created civil unrest in the Holy City of Jedha and Imperial Forces have kept the area under military occupation since the early days of the Death Star program.

While failure to procure another test for the Superlaser leaves the rebellion in place, Mr. Krennic and his team continue to work toward a solution.

“There were people who were not interested in solving the problem,” Mr. Krennic said, “They win today.”

When Mr. Palpatine was asked whether this was a major setback for his rule as Emperor he quickly shot back saying, “Things can’t be going that bad. After all, I’m Emperor and you’re not.”

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Stephen Hood

This is what my life has come to: sucking mayonnaise out of a turkey baster. Hilariously tweeting @really_shood