An Unfiltered Apology


A few weeks ago, I read this article about a Penn State runner who masked her depression from everyone around her through social media, specifically on Instagram. Everyone who followed her accounts would have sworn she was happy…right up until the moment when she took her own life. She was living in a world that was not reflected by what she chose to post, yet compared her raw unedited life to the carefully chosen and edited snippets others around her would put up. Kate Fagan, the author of the ESPNW article, put it best:

“With Instagram, one thing has changed: the amount we consume of one another’s edited lives. Young [adults] growing up on Instagram are spending a significant chunk of each day absorbing others’ filtered images while they walk through their own realities, unfiltered.”

According to the article, this young woman would often scroll through other people’s Instagram accounts with her friends and talk about how that was what college life should be: bright and sparkling; full of candid group shots and giggling friends leaning in for selfies who couldn’t possibly be struggling in classes or disappointed by their performance in sports, who loved their schools and their situations and every part of their lives.

Except on Instagram (and all other social media sites), you don’t post every part of your life. I don’t. I wouldn’t dare. I pick and choose, letting one picture be the summary of an entire day that held multiple emotions both good and bad, explainable and inexplicable, socially acceptable and secretive. I have, many times, scrolled through friends’ and mutual friends’ accounts with a judging and jealous eye, basing what their lives must be like off of the 342 pictures they’ve chosen to make public.

On the flip side: I’ve heard friends cry and complain about an awful day, then post a smiling selfie or a scenic shot with an uplifting caption only an hour later, letting that be the only indication of their mood to the other hundreds of people who didn’t get to talk to them in person.

But honestly, I’m just as guilty of fraud. I used to be proud of myself because I decided to not put filters on pictures of people or of nature. I somehow believed that this made me a little more natural or believable or relatable. But I’ve realized I filter my life in a different way, and for this, I am deeply sorry:

  • I’m sorry because for every cute picture I post of me with my siblings there are moments where we fight and scream at each other, or sit in the same room on our respective electronic devices while completely ignoring each other…and I don’t post those moments.
  • I’m sorry because for every action shot I post of me in a volleyball game there are moments where I didn’t want to go to practice, or yelled regrettable things out of sheer frustration at myself or a teammate, or slacked off during a workout…and I don’t post those moments.
  • I’m sorry because for every lovely picture I post of sunsets there are moments where I have spent the entire day inside on my phone, or neglected to take a short walk to appreciate God’s creation, or complained about the weather outside…and I don’t post those moments.
  • I’m sorry because for every candid picture I post of spending time with friends and teammates there are moments where we haven’t gotten along, or been secretly annoyed with each other, or didn’t have fun while hanging out…and I don’t post those moments.
  • I’m sorry because for every profound statement or inspirational Bible verse I post there are moments where I forget to pray, or don’t get in God’s word for days at a time…and I don’t post those moments.
  • I’m sorry because for every pretty picture I post of myself there are moments when I am not confident with my body, or frown when I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, or compare how I look to how other girls look…and I don’t post those moments.

My life is not perfect. Don’t get me wrong — I lead a very blessed life with good education and good friends and good family. But I also cry a lot. I can be incredibly lazy. I consistently fail at tasks. Sometimes my self-esteem is very low. I say mean things to the people who mean the most to me. And if this is news to you because the only way you know me is through what I choose to post on social media, I am so, so sorry.

A picture may be worth a thousand words, but it takes more than a thousand words to describe a person’s life — especially when those specific words have been carefully chosen to gloss over some things and enhance others… you know, kind of like a filter.


Originally posted on her blog www.betterthroughlove.wordpress.com