Allies: Your Silence is Violence
As a black person, I have never been on the “be friends with an ally train.” Of course, I knew that allies existed in the past because I saw pictures of white people at lunch counters getting food poured on their heads. I saw them portrayed in the movie “Selma,” some giving their lives just to drive black people home. Doing more than lip service.
So I know they exist but I never felt personally compelled to seek out an ally or fight alongside them. I AM A STRONG BLACK WOMEN AND I GOT THIS. What can an ally do for me that I cannot already do for myself?
Then I met a group of women online, white women wanting… yearning to know how to be better allies. As a naturally skeptical person, this is not something I quickly supported. As a woman of color, I often run from white people promising things, and I am usually let down. But I changed my mind and gave it a chance. I slowly began to talk more about my experiences to allies online and in real life [Note: This is a very big leap of trust for women of color]. I began sharing resources, inviting allies to join me in groups geared toward this instruction, providing avenues for support of me and other minoritized groups. Through the pain and sometimes frustration, I thought there was real progress, real learning. Dare I say hope?
Then the moment came that I needed an ally — actually begged for an ally with my pleading eyes, my awkward body language, my entire demeanor silently screaming HELP ME. Someone who had self-identified as an ally and a person I had supported time and time again and invested emotional capital in a relationship was supposed to save me, right? In the midst of only what I can describe as a horrific verbal assault — not once but twice — rife with code words portraying me as the angry black woman, my “ally” froze.
To be berated by another human being is traumatic. To be berated by a white woman who uses racial code language with another white woman present is mortifying. To be left as collateral damage with no support in this encounter was downright devastating. Why do I write all this other than to express a traumatic situation? I wanted to give insight to those out there that proclaim allyship and are desperate to create change for minoritized groups. The question is what will you do when your time as an ally comes? Will you be an “ally” in quotes when it best suits you? Or an ALLY, in all caps because you will put your words and possibly your body in between someone to protect that person from assault? Or will you just stand in awe, horror or stupor and let the moment pass by?
While you cannot control the feelings of those that perpetuate these attacks, you can take your allyship seriously and protect the feelings of those that are being attacked. Not doing anything means irreparable damage to the person’s psyche, and a bond of trust is broken. Trust is difficult to build and very easy to break.
I think of the video that went viral of two Latina women in a department store at the register just wanting to pay for items. Then a white woman came up and stood right behind them yelling about how those women should go back to where they belong and how they did not deserve to be in this country. Others watched, even one videotaped, in an effort to be an “ally.” The camera showed the fear and anxiety of the Latina women, and it was heartbreaking. How different would it have been for them emotionally if someone stood next to them and made a statement as an ALLY that the behavior was reprehensible?
Being an ALLY means your words and actions show that you will not allow that pain to pass on and it will not happen in your presence. So when the opportunity presents itself and you see an attacker spreading their anger on a minoritized person (especially one that trusts you), pouring their foul not-so-veiled bigotry — do not pass go, do not collect your cookies because you have not taken action. Use words like “stop, you will not spread that anger” or “this language and your actions are offensive and you will not continue” or maybe “take that shit somewhere else.” You position yourself closer to the person experiencing the attack to show alliance and as a message to the attacker of where you stand metaphorically and physically on their actions. Will you feel fear when this happens? Possibly. Will this be a challenge for you? Definitely. Think of the emotions of that person and how much they need you in that moment to be an ALLY.
ALLY is a verb. Take action or you will find that you are not just failing the movement but perpetuating the violence with your silence.
