Day 5 | I have a lot of feelings
And on this day they all came bubbling up to the top.
Well to be most accurate, after yoga last night around 8:35 p.m. they all came bubbling up. Practice for whatever reason goes against my grains. I dread it every night. Yet, after ever practice I leave with a sense of peace and calm.
At the beginning of practice I’ve had the exact same playback of emotions.
“Ugh I don’t want to be here”
“I don’t feel too great”
“My hip hurts”
“I’m not like the others”
And then it starts and I just keep moving. Sometimes poorly, sometimes better than I would have expected. I mean there have been times over the past couple of days when I’ve surprised myself with my own strength.
In the end, it literally feels like I’ve been sleeping, cause I feel that calm, while sweating profusely for an hour.
But last night was different because I had an “ah-ha” moment and I realized something about myself.
Something I think I suffer from regularly that constantly holds me back. This is the one thing in between me and a rising to the challenge. This one thing impacts me anytime I physically attempt to do something that makes me uncomfortable. I see it at the gym (shout out to Iron Tribe Nola) I see it when I am waiting in anticipation to introduce myself in a group setting, or speak to an audience of 5 or more. And it is totally robbing me of being present and living in the moment.
The guilty culprit? That little voice inside my head that’s constantly doubting herself/me. She is constantly making me shrink when I should sore. Preventing me from getting to where I need and want to be.
I habitually doubt myself. Something I’ve never really paid to much mind to but if I could silence her imagine what I could accomplish. If I could just turn off fear! That would be incredible.
In my 10 year goals, I have a lot of ambitious dreams. But one of them, that should maybe become my mantra is “Live Unrestrained”
That would be powerful.
doubting self and fear.