How To Talk To Your Partner About Sex: Y/N/M Lists
Unfortunately the art of pleasure is rarely (if ever) taught formally or in school. So, for many women the idea of sex is purely biological. We’re taught at an early age that our bodies (and our genitalia) are made for reproduction and warned against the potential violation of sexual assault and sexually transmitted diseases.
What’s often fundamentally missing from this conversation is the topic of pleasure and how the pleasure centers in our bodies work!
It is essential that we take a sexual inventory of ourselves, our feelings, our bodies, and our relationship with pleasure to know what our boundaries are and where pleasure lies.
Earlier this year, I facilitated a great conversation at Women Uncorked (a monthly meet-up for women to mingle, drink wine and talk about sex) on the topic of COMMUNICATION: How do you talk to your partner about sex?
At the meeting, I shared Scarleteen’s more extensive Sexual Inventory Stocklist as well as a new tool I’ve developed for my couples workshops, Yes/No/Maybe/Fantasy Checklists:
I like to think of this list as menu for sexual play. At first glance, (especially if you don’t identify as a “kinkster”) the list can feel a bit graphic, but it’s great for privately exploring your sexual preferences.
This list isn’t something you’d post on your social media or swap with strangers on the street, but if you’re looking to understand and develop your own personal relationship with pleasure, or share your fantasies and pleasure preferences with a trusted partner, a Yes/No/Maybe list like this one can be a good place to start.
If you’re not sure how to start the conversation with your partner about what turns you on (and what doesn’t!), try completing this list yourself and using it as a starting point for beginning the conversation.