So, I’m crying first thing on a Wednesday morning. Really glad I read this at home.
I’m sorry this is something you have to deal with. I’ve had similar experiences. The pain of being misunderstood and outcast by your family can feel insurmountable. The guilt of “leaving behind” a beloved sibling adds more boulders to that sense of being crushed.
This is your life, and you are doing the right thing by pursuing authenticity. That will always be the right thing to do.
In our community, love is exercised as a weapon for control, and our identities are the casualties. I wish I could say that your parents will come around with certainty, but I know how thin that sounds because I come from the same background. Sometimes they don’t. But, I hope they do, and I hope your brother comes to understand just how brave you are as a woman to break away from toxic norms.
Also, if it helps, my brother once wrote an essay in school about how I blamed him for eating a chocolate bar that I ate, which led to him getting in trouble. I’ve been apologizing for a while now.
I think what you’re doing is amazing Zara Zareen.
