Out of Control: We need to talk about sexism in Brazil

In the past week weeks, the sexism that has rampaged Brazil for years has been showcased like never before. First are the allegations that the Impeachment process against sitting President Dilma Rouseff is sexist, with members of congress shouting “Bye, Honey” as they vote YES to impeach. Then it was an article by Veja magazine, which people can’t agree if it was sexist or sarcastic, detailing how Vice President Michel Temer’s wife Marcela is an ideal woman for being “bela, recatada e do lar” (beautiful, discreet and “of the home”). Soon after, it was the former Miss Butt (yes, that is a thing), wife of the new Minister of Tourism posing in his office in a scantily clad way, leading to crazy backlash. And today, social media is blowing up with comparisons between the wife of Sergio Moro, the federal judge in charge of the Lava Jato corruption proceedings, and said Miss Butt — scrutinizing the way both women dress, proclaiming the obvious superiority of Mrs. Moro. What in the world is going on?

First, some facts. Brazil is seventh in the world for violence against women. It is 73 out of 169 in the Gender Inequality Index. In 2010, Brazil was the most popular country for sex tourism. A country where, every year on Carnival, a completely naked woman appears on the leading television channel, Globo, dancing the Samba during the commercial breaks. Every year, there is the Miss Butt pageant where the best bottom in the country is chosen, an event that is a big deal with the winner made an instant celebrity. Women in Brazil hold around 10% of seats in Congress, which is the largest gender gap for a Congress in South America. Last month, former President Lula’s phone was tapped in connection with the corruption proceedings and many of the conversations were sexist to the point of nausea.

Women have been fighting back, of course, major protests in Rio during International Women’s Day, for example. Brazil also has the most organized Women’s movement in Latin America. An anti-femicide law was enacted in 2015. The first female president was elected in 2011. Domestic violence law has improved tremendously. Change is on the horizon but it’s obviously not enough.

The recent social media frenzies have exposed the ugly side of sexism — with women often contributing — showing just how deep it runs through Brazil’s veins.

What possesses congressmen to call a sitting president “Honey”, written in bright banners, waved on live TV? I can’t imagine the media eruption this would cause in the United States. What possess the former president to refer to a woman’s clitoris in one call, call a colleague a whore in another call, while the man on the other end of the line laughed?

What possess any journalist with even a modicum of sense to write about the Vice President’s wife in a way that can be so misconstrued? The fact that the journalist is a woman makes it all worse. How could she not know that she was making light of a topic that so many women in Brazil feel so deeply about? How could she not know that she was perpetuating Latin mentality where the ideal woman is the one that is beautiful, stays at home taking care of family matters and never speaks up against her husband? How could she ever, even in sarcasm, insinuate that such a woman be ideal? Shouldn’t she know men would take this seriously, proudly proclaiming that Mrs. Temer is, indeed, how a woman should be? Wouldn’t she know that house wives would fight back stating that there is nothing wrong with being a house wife?

And there isn’t anything wrong with being “of the home”! It is a choice many women opt for. Good for them. Good for the ones that opt out, too. Stating that one type is an ideal over another type is sexist. It’s wrong. And those words should have never been written by another woman.

How can a country of people cry out against sexism stating that Marcela Temer is far from an ideal woman and then the week after compare the decently-dressed Mrs. Moro against the scantily clad wife of Minister Teixeira, touting Mrs. Moro’s superiority? How can a country have a contest to pick the best butt in the first place? A country where the quest for the ideal figure is endless, number two in the world for plastic surgery.

How is it that after all of these years, all of the “family” game shows have women in tiny outfits with no purpose other than dancing during the show to sex it up. I can’t even talk about music in Brazil and the various poses women dancers perform and young girls happily reproduce, often in family parties where the parents watch in amusement.

How is it possible that in my quest to cry foul amongst all the hypocritical sexism in the best way millennials know how, by commenting on Facebook pages, I’ve been harangued by men telling me I must be ugly and lazy to be commenting such things? As if they’re in their right to demand women be and look a certain way?

Brazil needs to fix this sexism, ASAP. Women are drowning. While the naked woman dancing on TV during Carnaval is nothing new (she is called “Globeleza”, the beauty of TV Globo), Miss Butt is a new pageant, only 5 years old. Which to me shows that although laws are getting fairer, and women are being more protected, sexism is just as bad as it has ever been. Any woman who has ever walked down a crowded street in Brazil to a cacophony of catcalls can attest.

I moved to the United States when I was 8 and while I am not claiming that the US is free of sexism, it is so NOT, at least here boys are raised to clean dishes and make their beds just as girls are. But Brazil is still a country where boys stay out of the kitchen while girls help mommy cook.

So what is it going to take to get rid of this disgusting sexism? Mothers and Fathers. But mostly mothers. In a country where the woman is still the main caregiver, mothers are the keys.

Let’s stop treating our boys like they don’t need to do work at home. Give your son a dish to wash. Make him clean up after himself! Let’s stop telling our girls that they have to be a certain way for boys to like them. Teach our boys to respect women instead of turning your heads when they commit an indiscretion. Punish your son if you catch him catcalling on the streets. Teach our girls that they are beautiful even if their waist isn’t tiny and their butt humongous. Teach boys to see girls as more than a nice body.

Stop incentivizing young girls to be models and dancers. Stop sexualizing your pre-teen girls by letting them imitate sexual acts while dancing (If you think American dance moves are sexual, you will be shocked by what you’ll find in Brazil). Stop telling your girls that they need to look and act a certain way to snatch a husband. Stop it, stop it, stop it!!!

Mothers of Brazil — the ball is in your court. You are the ones raising these children (dads usually don’t get as involved), which means you’re the ones that will have to instill the correct values in them. It may be hard and you may need to sneak around your husband to do so — a husband who oftentimes won’t like that you’re making his boy do chores — but it’s necessary. For the sake of your daughters who will still be living through this sexism, do something. Raise nicer boys. Raise stronger girls. Change Brazil.

Dads — if you’re one of the good ones that do your job, then make sure you take this into consideration. Do you want your daughter marrying a man that treats her like she’s beneath him? Do you want to raise a boy that treats girls like a piece of meat?Raise nicer boys. Raise stronger girls. Change Brazil.

Also — Globo. Please for the sake of humanity take Globeleza out of TV. It’s tacky, embarrassing, sexist and completely unnecessary.

(PS — Before I get backlash for trying to fix another culture, please note that I am Brazilian, I LOVE Brazil and I am extremely proud of being Brazilian. But the sexism is too much to handle.)