There is only one thing less freeing than not having a car after getting your driver’s license, and that’s living with your overly-protective mother for college breaks. At college you may feel completely independent when you are away at college getting to go out without the responsibility of making it home for a curfew, spending your money as you wish (usually on booze and clothes), and scheduling your own doctors appointments.

Feeling independent is so freeing. But unfortunately one can only feel free for so long because when the semester ends and it’s time for Winter break, you will be about as free as a baby in a crib in a locked room with a baby monitor.

Last weekend my friend asked me if I could catch a train to New York to visit her at her school (she goes to Fordham University). I asked my mom and she said Yes! I was so excited as my mom never let me travel alone before even though I’m 19 years old and legally and adult. So I looked up the train schedules online and planned out my route of travel. At that moment, I felt so free, like a real adult. Only to get that freedom yanked away from me when my mother told me she changed my mind about me going.

At that time I had two choices I could have made. One, I could obey my mother and stay in my boring house in my boring town and live my boring life. Or I could catch the 7:00pm train to New York and have a kick-ass time with my friend in the city. Although, the second choice sounds much more adventurous, me being the sheltered, obedient, goody-two-shoes I am decided to stay home. You have no idea how badly I wanted to rebel against my mom and catch the train, but I did not want to put up with the wrath of my already moody, menopausal mother when I got home from my trip.

So that night, I was supposed to be dancing the night away with my friend in NYC, but instead I laid in my bed crying as I experienced a mini existential crisis. It wasn’t until that moment that I realized my mom had made all of the decisions in my life. MY being the key word in that last sentence. What’s the fun of life if you can’t do what pleases you.

That night I questioned whether I was living my life or if my mom was living her dreams through me like a greedy parasite. I knew I couldn’t continue living as I had been, as a servant to my mother. I had to break away from the leash, explore the world I live in, and live my life.

This might as well had been me.

I would only be lying to you if I said I left my house that night to catch the train to NYC. Before that night I thought I was brave and daring but in reality the most adventurous I am is spending my night watching the travel channel instead of ABC. The sad thing is, I never did break away from the leash, but I dream about the day I do (hey I wonder if dogs dream about the same thing).

I have never felt less free in my life. In fact, as I’m writing this post, my mom is in the kitchen cooking dinner. She just asked me what I’m doing. If you think I told her that I’m writing a blog post about HER you are on some serious drugs. No I said I’m plotting my escape from our boring house. She thought I was kidding so she chuckled and continued to cook dinner. Little does she know my sly remark was not a lie.

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Take care my lovelies,

Rebecca