The Peace I have Now Is Worth Everything I lost

Rebecca Enobong
Jul 20, 2017 · 5 min read

Today is 24 months since I decided to walk away from a toxic biological family situation. Growing apart from people and needing to cut ties with toxic people in your life are two very different calls to action.

On the 20th of July 2015, I was homeless and living out of my car and sleeping in the office because I was too ashamed to tell my friends what was really going on with me. Oh what a difficult time it was but God carried me through the whole process.

“Learning to distance yourself from all the negativity is one of the greatest lessons to achieve inner peace.”
Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart

Someone could be putting you in harm’s way, stealing your peace, spreading lies about you to hurt your reputation or doing a slew of other vindictive acts, sometimes because they are very disturbed individuals and lack the ability to maintain peace with people they hate for reasons only they can explain. A person like this aims to harm you in some way, even if not physically so, but God sits on the throne and laughs at them.

People cut ties with one another to save themselves all of the time, at the time I did, I had no idea what I was doing or how I was going to survive alone, but it was the only option I was left with.

Relationships end and friendships dissolve. No one really blinks an eye about it, so long as the evidence points to the fact that the person in question started poisoning your well-being and mental state.

Not everything is black and white when it comes to severing ties with dysfunctional lots. This is especially true if the person you desperately need to break from is a member of your own family, your own blood. Especially they just wont leave you alone; living your twitter and LinkedIn profile, sending my friends emails, doing these things only affirms the evil that you all are!

I cut ties with a toxic family and I am better for it. I would be lying if I said it doesn't get hard sometimes, when I remember “oh today is someone’s birthday”. Choosing to separate from a lying and dysfunctional people is one of the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but the pain of remaining in pain is more expensive and detrimental. It was so hard and burning flames were so painful to put out, but just because it burnt doesn't mean I was going to die, I am here and happiest I remember ever being since my grandparent passed.

It took years of huge blowouts and living with people whom when you enter a room there is cold silence because they had been talking about “you” and how “you” have money they want to spend but wont bring it out. It took years of watching this person lie and live as though my own life meant nothing and all I was is a means to an end. It took years for me to finally accept that these erratic behaviors were deeply rooted in severe hate and accept this person’s true colors.

I had to tell myself that this person, though we share a bloodline, would not help me up if I were drowning in a puddle. I had to tell myself that if this were any other person in the world, I would have walked away years ago and might have even sought legal action.

I had to tell myself I exhausted every effort to save this relationship. And then, I had to wash my hands of them go on with my life, as if they were never part of mine.

Holidays are no longer tense; I have had the best Christmas, Easters and birthdays for two consecutive years. There are no more “he said/she said” rumors spreading, yet the accused is not allowed to verify the truth. There is no more sending your own child to go and lie to your own husband talking about “you have found out what they problems in your dysfunctional family is and it is your scapegoat” yet smile to my face like nothing happened.

I will never forget when something happened between her and her husband and I was talking to him about his behavior towards her was wrong and he says to me “you are very stupid, see the so called mother you are defending sent my son to come tell me these things about you when my daughter was getting married and you defend her”? He told me to call his son in his presence who was in Ghana at the time, I did and asked him what his dad said and the son wouldn't say anything to defend or deny it. I was weak. I tried to ask her, she said he was lying, I said OK let’s all go and ask him and resolve this once and for all. As is usually the case, she turned around and says I wanted to cause trouble in their family. I was so sad and heartbroken that the people I lived with could be so evil. I always knew I was an outsider and didn't trust the people I lived with. Her husband is alive, if anyone want to verify these things I will direct them to ask him he will tell the truth.

These days when I celebrate anything at all with my family and friends it is with love and true joy in our hearts, without an egocentric person around to sabotage me with stupid stories, unless of course the emails they keep sending to my friend which I keep for future and record purposes.

What really makes up a family are the people who stick by you, through thick and thin, people who love you for you and not for what they always plot to get from you, people who want nothing but the best for you and who would save you if you were drowning.

Everyone needs a support system, and if someone wants nothing more than to disrupt your peace of mind, family or not, you need to address the problem and if you cant address it, cut them off.

As I grow and experience adult life, I have come to learn the hard truth about things and about people. These days when people show me who they are, I instantly believe them.

People can be inherently self-seeking; not all people are virtuous, and being relative makes no difference in this fallen world we live in. Not all people want what’s best for you. It’s your job to make your world the best it can be for you!

Happy two years anniversary to my peace of mind and nothing but love and tranquility in my life.

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Written by

Development Junkie & Future Policymaker Blogging About Life and Other Things! Check out my other blog www.rebeccaidd.wordpress.com

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