Why are are relationships and marriages STILL seeming to fail in the modern day western world?
Love. Love is something so special. It gives you that extra reason to wake up in the morning. It encourages you to be the best person you can be. It fills your heart with warmth and safety. “Love quite literally, makes the world go round” as they say. We all love love, and want to have the ability to love someone and have that in return. When I say ability, I mean ability. What many of us believe is that love is a feeling. But I strongly disagree. Love is not a feeling nor is it an emotion. Love influences feelings and emotions upon you but to love itself is a pure ability of understanding of how to care, cherish and adore that person resulting in falling in love. Okay, so we all want to all fall in love and live that happily ever after we all dreamed of in the films we had watched whilst growing up. But hold on, you’ve grown up and you are far from this dream.
The question is why is it many of us find ourselves in heartaches, broken relationships or even betrayals. Can we say that we have forgotten how to understand one another, or the idea of staying with the same person for the rest of our lives is outdated or is it more simple than this and it is nothing more than human nature?
Mmmm, perhaps not. I wouldn’t like to think so.
I want to learn and try to understand some things here. I am no expert but there is a problem, you can all agree, right? — One thing to put straight is that NOT ALL relationships are failing, but I’m finding that as the generations are changing this is becoming increasingly more common again.
I want to understand the nature of our relationships, what they are based off, what causes the failures and why. This is a topic I am very fascinated about, due to what I have seen in my life and I feel I need to clear some things, therefore, I am very open to hearing new opinions and perspectives on this topic.
Here are some statistics made for UK marriages:
When it comes to relationships to a serious kind and even marriage, there are certain responsibilities that come with this as you live your daily lives together. The couple has commitments together and issues relating to low incomes, unemployment, build-ups of debt and all these contributing factors add the extra strain to the relationship or marriage as stated by Dr.Marjoribanks. Eventually, due to life pressures, these add other problems such as the emotional state of your partner resulting in resentfulness within the relationship.
Another statistic that was discovered just last year was that unfortunately, 42 percent of marriages end in divorce and even 34 percent of them end in divorce before their 20th wedding anniversary, some say even around 80 percent of relationships end in break ups.There are many things to consider as to why marriages or relationships fail- some concepts are fairly simple to understand from the viewer’s perspective but being the one who is facing this is a different story and far more complex. Some common and primary reasons why the marriages fail are for instance; money problems, intrusive parents, the difference in how one resolves complications, privacy problems, binge-drinking and in some extreme cases, even affairs arise due to insecurities.
We come from a drinking culture, so at every opportunity there is a time to get away from your other half (loved-one) when it deems necessary rather than talking out any issue. Why are we always trying to break away from our problems rather than facing them head on like a responsible partner? These are all very complicated issues and we hope to never experience this to any degree, so when we commit ourselves we have to remember and give importance to many things. The thing is many of us focus too much on our own personal interests and our feelings, resulting in these problems. We need to take more time to one another to learn about the person and how they work or communicate, how they feel about certain topics and listen to them.
Value them. Appreciate them. Love them with all their flaws and give time to listen. There will be times you will not like doing something in such a way, perhaps it is not your usual routine or habit, but that is okay, try something a little different, just please acknowledge the person you love. The worst way you could respond is by rejecting any suggestion by defending your ego and self-pride (This will kill your relationship!). If something is hurting them that you are doing, be there to hear them out. Chances are you will be very surprised and were doing something so ingrained in your behaviour you hadn’t even the slightest idea. We can’t all be right, and we make mistakes- that is okay! Make mistakes until you learn, but just don’t make losing an amazing person be that mistake.
How I see it is objects and material items come and go, are temporal, break easily and repaired easily but one thing that can not be repaired so easily once broken is a human being. Heartaches scar and they are not so easy to come back from.Truthfully, relationships may be, can be, will be a little complicated sometimes but just know there is a limit. Every relationship will go through rough patches but we know that beyond these difficulties, we know that the love is far too precious and powerful to ever forget. Know your worth as an individual and as a couple. We are all deserving of love and the right kind of love. I can fortunately say, I am lucky enough to find the right kind and I am eternally grateful for this kind of presence.
My aim by discussing this subject is to raise awareness and we shouldn’t take this lightly. This is always spoken about yet the problems seem to continue. When you are at the time when you are finally committing whether that means going into a relationship or marriage, please just remind yourself of the reasons why you are going into it. If you are facing issues or problems within yourself always make this evident and never leave it bottled in. Eventually, if not opened up to somebody it will not be pretty. Do not refuse to acknowledge yourself, because you are worthy of loving… but first, make sure you love yourself.