Stand Firm in Saying No!
Guilt on standing your ground in your refusal is NOT ok.
And yet, that’s exactly what most people will experience when saying no.
When I was living in Brazil, I surprised the men hitting on me when I said no very emphatically.
When I ask people for a favor, I can read their refusal before they verbalize it.
Wanna know why?
Because they’re struggling to put their ‘no’ into words. They feel uncomfortable or guilty. Essentially, they feel like they should be saying yes, but just really don’t want to.
We grow up, never really having the space to refuse anything. Remember when you really didn’t want to hug or kiss that creepy aunt or handsy uncle but you had to? Ever see kids react to that by crying, and everyone laughing?
That’s when you take away the child’s consent. And that’s how they grow up thinking that saying no is bad.
That’s how they begin to experience guilt in refusing.
I was raised to feel guilt over not finishing the food in my plate, in wanting to sleep rather than have dinner with my family, in wanting to do my own thing rather than follow my mom’s wants and desires for me.
Ultimately, I needed to break down to break away from those expectations and learn what my boundaries are.
That’s why I don’t take offense when someone says no to me.
That’s also why I take rejection in stride and acknowledge when I need time to process it.
Accept another person’s refusal, and don’t be afraid to say no.
Stand strong in the face of guilt and shame.
You’re allowed to say no.
