Postpartum Depression and Baby Blues
I remember crying in front of the mirror while I tried to put on makeup. I felt overwhelmed, and worst of all, guilty for the emotions and thoughts circulating in my mind.
-Inadequate
-Overwhelmed
-Withdrawn
My newborn daughter was only a few weeks old at the time. We were planning to have a family lunch hosted by my parents. My mom had texted a few minutes before this episode of tears to ask if we could coordinate colors for some family photos.
It was a small request, but at that moment, it was too much. The fountain of tears was unleashed.
I felt overwhelmed by how overwhelmed I felt.
I felt ridiculous for feeling so overwhelmed by such a small request.
“as many as 1 in 5 new moms develop postpartum depression.” — AWHONN
Even though I was a labor and delivery nurse and was well aware of the statistics, I never envisioned I would experience it. I provided discharge instructions and education about postpartum depression to countless women. I knew the list of signs and symptoms.
Aware that I was dancing the line between baby blues and postpartum depression, I told myself that if I started to cross the line, I would reach out for help.
But if you were to ask me, I was fine.
Friend: “How is life as a mom???”
Me: “It’s wonderful.”
Friend: “Aren’t you just in love with your baby?”
Me: “Yes, she has me wrapped around her little fingers.”
And so the walls of isolation were constructed.
I felt ashamed that I wasn’t experiencing pure joy and bliss as a new mom.
I was conflicted over my array of emotions.
It was a rollercoaster and was no easy walk in the park.
The process of labor and delivery had taken a toll on my body, and there were times I grieved the price I paid.
I felt isolated in my postpartum journey.
Up to that point, I had never heard any friends or co-workers share personal stories of postpartum depression or baby blues. Instead, it was something from textbooks and medical journals.
I didn’t have a face to connect it to until I had my own.
I wasn’t experiencing the delightful symphony of motherhood that I imagined.
I was overwhelmed. The sleep deprivation, physical discomfort, and hormonal fluctuation did not help.
Around two months postpartum the cloud began to lift, and I was able to emerge. I felt more like my normal self, and it was good to be back.
During those first months, I felt so overwhelmed, that I never pushed myself to verbally process. I didn’t feel like I could articulate what I was feeling, so I did not try.
In the middle of it all, I kept telling myself that I was only dealing with the baby blues. But looking back, I think it was a mild case of undiagnosed postpartum depression.
I had played a dangerous game by not being honest in verbally processing my experience while I was going through it. In hindsight, it would have been better for me to confide in my husband and the people I trusted to build up a better support system.
Going back to work after maternity leave, I was able to connect with my patients on a different level.
I was no longer spouting off a list of signs and symptoms. I was able to make patient education more relatable by sharing some of my experiences.
That is why, in writing this article, I decided to share my story. There are plenty of comprehensive resources available about postpartum depression. As a nurse writer, I did not want to publish another article with the scientific facts, a list of symptoms, and research studies.
There is a different connection formed through sharing personal stories and experiences. Everyone who endures postpartum depression or baby blues experiences a different variety of symptoms.
Whether you are a new mother in the early postpartum phase, a spouse with a new baby, a supporting friend, or a family member you play a role.
To the mothers of newborns:
- Ask for help.
- Keep the people around you that you trust and can be real with.
- Be honest with your healthcare provider so they provide the care you need.
- Advocate for yourself even if it means verbally stumbling through what you are experiencing.
- Transparency can build a strong support network.
To everyone else:
- Initiate connection and support.
- Keep initiating, even when she says she is fine.
- Read a few stories of people who have experienced postpartum depression.
- Be the friend/family member that you would want if you were in that scenario.
Resources:
https://www.postpartum.net/learn-more/depression/
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/postpartum-depression/symptoms-causes/syc-20376617
