Growing apart

Can I tell you how happy how I was to hear your voice?
But can I tell you as well, how cold your voice sounded?
Every single word you said was like fist in my stomach and my heart
Every single word you said went along with drops of my tears
You know, we grew together once,
I saw you become the man you are
I was hoping you could use more of my support 
But now your god upheld you so high

I can’t even see you anymore
I thought “us” was forever
Like “us” was a story from a Walt Disney magic world but in a more realistic way
But there is always a “but” somewhere
And there is also one in our story
I did not tell you I wanted you forever
I just told you “talk to you later”, 
In hopes I will come back the same way I left you
I wanted more time so I can show you,
So I can love you in a more sophisticated way 
With a better version of myself 
But the more time they were, 
The more time I also grow up to become the woman, I am without you
Not sure if this way is better, but it’s definitely different 
Now I look at the world with different lenses
I see wider horizons and 
I see a bigger world with a smaller “us”
But I still admire you with the same eyes
The same ones I used to admire way your faith to your god
But then he told you now that I was toxic 
That you could become like me and move away from him
So you chose your god and I chose myself
When I called you today I wanted you to feel the pain I felt
Because I could not believe that those laughs we shared
Gazes, memories and “us” could be erased 
Like a tsunami just swept away our island 
But you were as cold as your voice 
So I just wished you to have a good day instead
I don’t know if I am mad at your god for separating us
Or if I am angry at you for letting go of me so easily
But I also I let go of you
I am sorry but I can’t look at your god the same way I did
I can’t come back to the cage I was in even if it means 
That I will be with you and I will get my “forever”
I know we are at a point where we need compromises 
Communications skills to resolve our differences 
But I can’t ask you to leave your god for me
Because I am not powerful enough to become you goddess

June 10, 2015