Broken pieces inlaid with gold
The Japanese have an art form called kintsugi. Making an art form of broken things, piecing things back together inlaid with gold. The random beauty of broken pottery, somehow made more special with gold highlighting the broken edges. I have been broken in life. In so much pain I was unable to look at myself, I became a dead man, unable to feel. Unable to look at myself or to learn. So much of myself was hidden away, I had to hide from others as everything triggered me, everything upset me.
So many years were wasted, not even living. I had a shield to protect myself from others ,from pain. Till I realised I had made myself a prison. I was the only prisoner. How could I escape?
Escape route
One day I read a sentence in a book “name it to tame it.” It was about how to take control of, the mental processes we all have. If we have a name for them, perhaps we can understand them. Perhaps we can change. I started to be able to look at myself with less fear. I approached a past I couldn’t remember. I started to be able to feel.
Triggers and acronyms — ONAC
One of the major problems I had, was I noticed I became defensive with so many things people said to me.
With my wife it means ,a normal conversation, I would think she was blaming me for something or accusing me. She was making a harmless observation -not a criticism.
How could I name it to tame it? I labelled my reaction ONAC. An acronym meaning -Observation not a criticism. Gradually when I was triggered, I started to recognise it more and more, I could say ONAC.
It became fun. As I learnt to recognise it more and more, I became less and less defensive. The world started to open up to me.
I learned to look at the broken pieces of my life, face the pain and gradually learned to look at them with love — just like Kintsugi. I learned that people are not always out to get me, or to hurt me.
I gradually become a more open person, a more loving person.
Freedom
I still say Onac to myself with a smile, remembering the person who was scared, who was hurt, maybe you can say it too. A way of taking pause, taking deep breath, and a way of acknowledging that our first thought isn’t always our best thought. People aren’t always out to get you, but that they love you. It’s only they find they can see through our pain and defences easier than we can.
Onac is a way to pause, to recognise that we can love ourselves the way others love us.
If we give ourselves permission.
There can be a lot of power in a single word, a simple idea -ONAC.
