Not for children’s books

I can’t stop thinking. It’s 0332 and I can’t stop thinking…..these aren’t the thoughts that you put in children’s books.

These aren’t thoughts that you write down on the napkin that’s at the table, where you and your friends are having a drink.

These aren’t thoughts you would tell a child if they ask “Sissy what are you thinking?”

These words in my head would never be spoken if someone were to ask “why are you so silent?”

These thoughts don’t dare touch paper in fear that the rest of the world would see it and it would spread through their brains like a parasite trying to find a warm body to make cold.

These aren’t thoughts that you can go and tell your school counselor, though you may trust them with your life you wouldn’t dare burden theirs with these heavy weights of what seems to only be brain matter.

And yet…there are still worst thoughts then those I am thinking.

Don’t worry these thoughts may lead me to an edge, my toes my clutch the edge of the cliff but never do they cause me to jump. If that is all your here to make sure, another life is not making another Hasty decision. To see if the helpless girl takes the risk of flight with no wings only to land on the ground as the mighty Icarus once had.

These thoughts. They do not consume my entire being. But if I do not give them the attention they deserve how am I supposed to let them go in order for new ones to come in and stricken me with grief, or in a miracle, with gratitude.

Therefore I wish to always have thoughts just as these but only when I can’t sleep will I give them their audience. And only when I am strong enough myself to be the only one clapping at the end.

For these thoughts are not for children’s books.

“Never regret the fall. O Icarus of the fearless flight. For the greasiest tragedy of them all is never feel the burning light.” — Oscar Wilde
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