Sunday Soapbox…One Day Late

Breaking my Medium ground with a blog entry from the previous day.

It makes sense, right?

Well, it’s Sunday (at least it was). I hope it is proving to be a nice one for you, despite the cold and rain-or even snow! I’ve seen many pictures on Facebook and instgagram this weekend of new snow burying the fallen leaves. It’s nice and kind of exciting, at least from this observers perspective. My prayers to all those in this winterum (winter and autumn mix). Stay warm and safe. I can also enjoy the snow because it’s not happening here. This wintery excitement from this past January and February is stark reminder of the chaos that can ensue in the South when the rain turns white and begins to glaze over the asphalt and sidewalks. Heaven help those on the roads when a millimeter turns into a centimeter of wintery precipitation and Mary Beth from up the street forgets its not a good idea to keep going fifteen above the speed limit and slams on her brakes. No, no. It’ll end well.

If nothing else, this preview of winter to still to come is a good excuse to stay inside and binge a little on the hot chocolate left over from January and February. What? It’s still good. And someone has to drink it. Kudos to those who have started, and then those who have just finished or even have long finished, decorating for Thanksgiving and even Christmas. Despite the eye rolls at the thought of decorating so early, I think it’s kind of cool. I’ll be starting on my own yuletide adornments in the coming days. I sympathize with many who believe that Christmas has its time and place-and that that is usually after Thanksgiving. I think the aversion to the holiday season is largely due to the big box retailers stocking their shelves in Christmas themed merchandise before any of us have had a chance to even buy a bag of Halloween candy or, in the most extreme cases (hello former employer) before Labor Day arrives. It’s these same retailers who feel like it’s cool to trample on one of the last remaining holidays meant to bring families together to share in a time of thanks for what they’ve earned, accomplished, and endured. I understand their business model is set up to where this is the only time of the year their expense reports ascends out of the red-marker range. But I feel like there is a societal cost-benefit analysis being ignored or tucked away under glossy flyers and coupons. There are places and people who don’t close up shop or stop working for Thanksgiving, and often even Christmas. Some restaurants, grocery stores, the military, and utility workers. But is black Friday so vital to western civilization that our time at home, together, has to be lost in the shuffle and shoving of late November madness?

If we’re all working and buying, when are we together? Walmart had a good idea last year to spread many of their Black Friday specials out over the course of the entire week. In this age of new consumerism, why is Black Friday even necessary? Why are places like Target and Toys R Us so intent on burying Thanksgiving and everything it stands for under an over-hyped urgency for the stock they can’t push out the door the rest of the year? And those two are just the easiest to name off. There are countless others that follow in the example set by these worn-down titans. Despite how easy it would be, I’m not going to exhaust this space with a rant on the evils of the giant giraffe, especially. I’m also not going to stress out about people who don’t look forward to Thanksgiving or Christmas and have no issues with seeing them erased from the calendar and replaced by otherwise normal days of commerce, consumption, or just general complaining about whatever else they happen to dislike. Some people make a lifestyle out of hating everything someone else enjoys. That’s the kind of person that can end up sounding really boring at a party-assuming they get invited-and could probably really need a hug. And a piece of pie. Or cobbler. Mmm…cobbler. I digress, though. I know there are people who hate the holidays. The world went wrong in their youth and now they have to justify existence by leveling the field and eliminating the things that lacked in fulfilling them with the joy they were promised in media. I know what Thanksgiving means to my mom, to my family, and to me. Shoveling toys and video game accessories at mock-discounts to desperate shoppers who believe sacrificing time with their children to stand in line for a Playstation 4 is going to solve the ills of their domestic world is not a part of the meaning of Thanksgiving for me.

I’m happy to report I don’t have to be a part of that world this year. In case you didn’t know, a month ago this past week, I officially resigned from my place within the R US empire. This December would have made eleven years in their employ. That was about seven or eight years more than I had ever intended on working for them. In that decade+ I was team member in four stores. One of those I called home for a little over seven years. The store I hold fondest in my heart was my first store in Wilmington, NC. I have many great memories from my time with TRU/BRU. But there are also long shadows of less than favorable memories. I’m thirty-one years old but, in the final weeks before I stepped foot through the doors for the last time, I would go home feeling far older. In the more than ten years, I’d almost had both arms broken, a foot smashed, likely one or more mild concussions, a sprained wrist and arm, busted lips, gashed fingers, a bruised rib, was soaked by rain, exposed to mold, and I’m not even sure how much dust. A lot. A LOT. Despite all of that, somewhere amidst the things that made me frustrated, furious, and sad, I found a few things that made me happy. There was the occasional guest that could so easily and unknowingly make my day and troubles endured so worth it. I actually enjoyed what I did. However, I just rarely enjoyed where I was doing it. The gravity of the things you give up to make a system better, to support and make successful other around and above you, can become crushing when you realize it was all too often sacrificed in vain.

I didn’t leave the way I planned. I wanted to do things the proper way, the honorable way. I wanted to make sure all was taken care of before I stepped away to pursue a path beyond the aisles and racks. But when I realized my honor was being used against me, when I was being pushed into a corner and isolated while everyone else was getting help, I decided it was time to save what strength and spirit I had left and leave before I was trapped even more than I already had been. For at least three years, I acknowledged and then would ultimately ignore a feeling that kept telling me to jump, to leave, to not look back. Fear of actually making that leap without solid guarantees of what I would expect or be walking into kept me showing up every day, arriving early and staying late. No differences were made. Nothing was gained, only lost. I was spinning my wheels to keep alive an organization I no longer believed in or felt I had a place in.

So I left. I acted upon the biggest exercise of faith I have ever known. I still am, actually. Everyday I wake up and pray that I am going to make it through, that I won’t stumble or screw up so badly that I become a train disengaging from its tracks in scene of the most tragic devastation. I’ve found a job, although part time. I’m not going to complain. I’m working and as best I can. When I’m not at work, I’m still working. There was a backlog of projects that I was neglecting more and more: images I wanted to draw; words I wanted to put together into sentences in a creative style that would be entertaining and maybe, just maybe, a little informative, as well. I’m not a salesman. I’m not suited for that kind of world. I barely survived as a retail guy. I’m a project person. I’m a dreamer, a maker, and a storyteller. I want to change the world, not by controlling it but by inspiring it. My dreams are big and my journey is long. But I know I must embark upon this course one step at a time. In these minutes and hours made free by no longer having to commute back and forth to work or exhaust myself beyond physical and spiritual recognition, I have been able to start showing you and the world what it is I’m doing. By the end of this year and the months to follow, I hope you will also be able to see where I am going.

This week, AN AMERICAN RHAPSODY-my near future, dystopian drama-broke through the digital wall and became available in paperback form. Many family and friends had been waiting for my writing to be in physical form. Well, at last that has arrived. It joins the Kindle version at amazon.com. You can purchase it from amazon by clicking http://bit.ly/1sWln19. There is a new cover, exclusive to the paperback version. Thank you, again, to all of you who helped me choose which of two designs to use. Along with being available at amazon, which you can get to by clicking http://bit.ly/1sWln19, it is also available at https://www.createspace.com/4983641. Want some of the art that goes with the story? What about a t-shirt? All of the merchandise is available at http://society6.com/blazingscribe. By buying a copy (or multiple copies) of the book or purchasing a t-shirt or print, you are helping me to have the ability to create even more-not to mention pay my rent. And in the spirit of the season, if you are buying from my createspace store, let me know with a comment or message so I can make sure you get a discount code to use.

Thanks for taking a few minutes to read this…umm..essay? Your interest and support is beyond awesome! This is only the beginning. There are still some exciting announcements to come. In the meantime, click on the links above. Find something you like or buy a copy of the book. It’s short. And there are more to come. But your help is needed. So comment, click, and buy :D

Until next time,

Bye for now!

-j.