This morning came with a little bit surprise and I kept thinking about it as if it was real.

You are more than 3000 miles away from this gray city which everyone loves and hates simultaneously but we met last night and you looked content, cheerful and less cold. You were dead to me two days ago, I buried everything including our conversations that I kept repeating in my head before I go to sleep, I locked them out but you, a bastard, came into my dream and awaken every dead thoughts and memories that I was hardly trying to get rid.

Out of nowhere, we talked about life while you were smoking, perfectly no boundaries like I always want it to be. You told me stories about your first tattoo, your family, your depressing teenage years and how much you loathe it. I finally told you how much I want to hug you every time you write about how empty and unworthy you feel at times and told you I would listen to you talking about your aspirations, favorite painter, musicians or even nature for hours, I would send you books, make you playlists, read all your writings and always compliment your arts and you looked at me warmly after I finished talking. I don’t remember much but that look you gave me was definitely unforgettable.

The next thing I remember was I let you draw on my college book and most of the times I was quiet, probably thinking about kissing you or amazed and confused why you were there talking to me about so many things and why did I confess everything but all of the sudden, the sun was up, my cats meowed so loud and everything wasn’t real, it was destroyed like it was supposed to be.

Everything I buried two days ago, exactly a few hours before my birthday (you didn’t wish me) was useless, you always find your way back to this head, a place where you’ve been living in for months.

My confusion swiftly turned into disappointment the second I opened my eyes, reality slapped me in the face, I’m still pretty much a stranger to you and I knew it will all never be real but that doesn’t save me from disappointment and guilt, because I fell in love with you, even in my dreams.