Acceptance: The Key to Healing
Acceptance is a key aspect of emotional healing. Understanding it is really important, and today I dedicate my entire article to this valuable concept that is too often underestimated.
Imagine yourself in a black hole from which it is impossible to escape. Think of trying to get out of it by all means, even though it is impossible to do so. Continuously, relentlessly. This state of immense frustration and helplessness is what causes lack of acceptance and is far more common than you can imagine.
In the example of the black hole, the only possible solution is to surrender and allow yourself to be carried away by that relentless force. When you do so, you will immediately notice an immense feeling of relief. From that position of full acceptance of the truth, your emotions and physical, mental and spiritual conditions you can begin to navigate the shadow in search of the light.
The Process of Acceptance
In the above example, the black hole represents your emotions. Whatever the unaccepted situation is surrounded by strong emotions. Not accepting is a survival mechanism that often aims to avoid suicide. We think that if we really accepted things as they are and abandoned the constant attempt to change them we would find ourselves without a reason to live for. Nothing could be more wrong. What causes much of the pain is the constant attempt to improve things without a clear and concrete vision of things, and that leads to a condition of continuous sorrow.
Since acceptance is a broad topic and can encompass both physical and emotional aspects I will bring a few examples that can help you better integrate the concepts.
Luca feels within himself that he will never be loved and that he will be alone forever. Luke fears that accepting the future prospect in which he will not be loved will make him unhappy forever. In an attempt to escape that feeling Luca reads books on seduction, learns to be more confident, attends various classes where he thinks he can meet the right people, tries to present himself differently, finds new ways of dressing that make him feel better. However, all of these actions stem from despair and rejection of his worst fears, so they only reinforce his fear of being alone. The only solution for Luke is to accept his greatest fear: the fear of being alone. Once this is done Luke will have a clearer understanding of his situation and can concretely make improvements to his current condition.
Marta, has lost the mobility of her legs but continues to want to do what she has always done. Marta loved hiking in the mountains and would like to continue doing so. Because of her limitations, however, this situation evokes a strong feeling of discomfort in Marta. Her limited movements make her feel a burden and she experiences a strong sense of frustration and helplessness. Marta is afraid that accepting her new condition may be a reason for her to take her own life. The only solution for Marta is to accept her loss completely and understand her new condition in a deep and heartfelt way. Once this is done, Marta can rebuild her happiness in a way that is more conscious and aligned with her new lifestyle.
Now let us try to REALLY understand how to accept our situation.
Acceptance is not a cognitive or mental process. It does not mean arriving at logical conjectures that decrease the amount of pain we feel. It is a process of surrendering to one’s emotions. It is about fully experiencing the feelings we are avoiding.
Imagine your body as a container for your unexpressed emotions. Close your eyes and bring to memory the condition you struggle to accept. The goal at this stage of the exercise is to bring full attention to your body, to perceive colors, pressure, heat, tingling, weight, and what parts of your body are activated in the perception of those sensations related to the situation you intend to accept. You might see colors, have flashes of images or perceive muscle contractions or spasms. Imagine that your purpose is to feel that pain. Observe with interest, understanding and love. Let that feeling slowly change, intensify and then diminish. Let it express itself fully.
Accepting what you feel in this way will relax your nervous system. You will immediately feel more at peace with your situation. In a word: relief. Accepting the situation is the first step to any real improvement.
Tricks and details
The process can take up to more than an hour. It all depends on your openness to feeling your emotions and the intensity of your emotions.
Some people will find it difficult to identify and feel their repressed emotions. Here are some tips:
- Wait for emotions to come to the surface naturally and, when they do, carve out space to deepen the feeling by going as deep as possible.
- Ask yourself key questions during the process.
It can be helpful to ask yourself, “How does it feel…?” During the process it is easy for images, words, faces, or imaginary scenarios to resurface that provide information about the root of what we are feeling. Emotions are a fundamental part of our memory and contain information about our past. This process, brings to the surface important data that caused that buildup of ours in the first place. Following the images presented to us and experiencing the related feelings and emotions is a key step. - If you want to resolve the situation at all costs, it is easy for you to have resistance around the emotions you would like to achieve. In that case focus on the resistance itself. Put yourself in the position of thinking, “What if this situation lasted forever?” Experience the resistance. Sometimes it may also appear in the form of a feeling of emptiness, an absence of emotion or physical sensation. Continue to perceive that emptiness. Wait patiently and keep listening. Listen to the emptiness itself and from that, slowly, different emotions and sensations will emerge.
A place where you can put your attention inwardly is recommended. This allows your brain to feel safe during the process.
Conclusions
Acceptance is not a gesture of surrender, but the first real courageous step toward healing. Always keep in mind that it is a fundamental process in everyone’s life, and it may take time to realize in which areas of life it can be useful to use it.
Have a great week!
