Empathy Above All: Assume Positive Intent with yourself and others.

[Part #2 of 5 in Essential Pillars of Strong Leadership]

In our journey through the Essential Pillars of Strong Leadership, we’ve established the bedrock of values and integrity. Now, let’s build on that foundation with the mortar of empathy, a value that transforms good leaders into great ones.

3 Things to Remember:

• 🔑 Give the benefit of the doubt.
• 🔑 Nurture a culture of empathy.
• 🔑 Champion accountability with compassion.

“Assume Positive Intent” has been a transformative value for me. It’s a profound principle that helps create peace and optimism within us and trust and openness around us. When we approach situations with this mindset, we’ll actively foster a trust-rich culture.

Everyone is doing the best they can with the tools they have at that time.

This simple yet profound belief reshapes our leadership. It encourages us to look beyond the surface and seek understanding, which is the first step toward patience and compassion.

In every interaction, I try to find the Most Generous Interpretation (MGI) of others’ actions, a concept championed by Dr. Becky Kennedy that deeply resonates with me. The reality is, if someone could do better, they probably would. This approach doesn’t just help those we lead. It helps us maintain an open heart, making us more approachable and effective. It helps us create spaces where people feel safe to share, to mess up, and to learn.

Changing behavior typically takes awareness, discipline, a sense of safety, a supportive environment, and practice.

🎯 The Strategic Role of Empathy in Leadership

In leadership, extending the benefit of the doubt is a deliberate choice to prioritize understanding over immediate judgment. This perspective doesn’t imply overlooking errors or dismissing their impact; instead, it’s about engaging with challenges through a lens of resolution and support. By remembering that unique experiences and challenges shape each person and their actions, we unlock the door to authentic connections and support. Empathy is a strategic approach to leadership that leads to better problem-solving, more effective collaboration, and a more dedicated team.

By maintaining this perspective, we naturally cultivate a leadership style that values patience. It becomes less about managing and more about guiding, less about judging and more about understanding. This shift doesn’t happen overnight, but with consistent practice, responding with patience and empathy can become as natural as breathing.

We hugely shape our life with our interpretation of our experiences.

Let’s use an example of someone cutting you off in traffic. Your instinct might be: “Ugh, what a stupid, dangerous jerk!” With that interpretation, you’re more likely to get angry, maybe even yell or shake your fist.

However, with the more generous interpretation of: “Wow, they must be rushing to something really important,” you’re more likely to stay calm, focus on your own driving, find compassion, and send good wishes. “I hope they’re okay and arrive safely.”

“I know my life is better when I work from the assumption that everyone is doing the best they can.” — Brené Brown, Dare to Lead

We can even extend this practice to improve our inner dialogue with ourselves. Improving our inner dialogue is akin to nurturing a garden; it requires patience, care, and the removal of harsh self-criticism to allow for growth. This internal shift can lead to a more compassionate leadership style, where understanding and patience become natural responses to challenges.

Empathy is the foundation for the best problem solving.

⚠️ Warning: Empathy Breaks Down Without Accountability

Empathy must be balanced with accountability. The point is not to excuse problematic behavior. Instead, it will help you more effectively connect with people so you can understand the context and address issues constructively. As “Radical Candor” teaches, it’s essential to care personally and challenge directly. This balance ensures that while we lead with empathy and understanding, we also drive growth and excellence.

🔎 A Closer Look: Empathy Helps Solve the Real Problems

Imagine your direct report has been late completing deliverables. An empathetic foundation might sound like: “Hm. I assume they care about doing great work and being a helpful teammate. I wonder what’s preventing that. How I might help them show up in a way they’re really proud of?”

From this place, a constructive conversation can happen. Do they not understand the impact of their actions? Are they overworked and need help prioritizing? Are they being pressured into unrealistic deadlines and they need help resetting expectations? Is something going on in their personal life and they need support or time off? Do they not have the necessary skills and need additional training? Whatever is really going on, assuming “They’re an oblivious jerk” won’t help anyone.

By maintaining a compassionate perspective and directly addressing issues with candor, a leader can uncover the root causes behind a team member’s challenges, leading to solutions that are supportive yet effective, ensuring both the individual’s growth and the team’s progress.

“Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.” — Brad Meltzer

🌱 Baby Steps to Implement:

To cultivate a leadership style rooted in empathy and compassion, start with a journey inward. Self-reflection is the cornerstone of this process. It may seem paradoxical, but the ability to empathize with others begins with how we treat ourselves. By nurturing self-compassion, we lay the groundwork for understanding and supporting those around us. By filling our own cup, we can be present and generous in our interactions with others.

The next step is to allow this self-awareness to inform our interactions with others, transitioning from simply understanding their feelings to actively seeking ways to support and uplift them. This is where empathy evolves into compassion. It’s not just about feeling what others feel; it’s about using that understanding as a catalyst for positive action.

Kristin Neff is the foremost researcher in self-compassion. She remind us that this practice is essential for leaders. It’s the fuel that enables us to lead with kindness, resilience, and a genuine desire to elevate those we guide. By adopting self-compassion, we become better equipped to create an environment where empathy and support are not just ideals, but the very pillars of our leadership approach.

I would love to hear the role empathy plays in your leadership!

If you’re looking for ways to deepen your empathetic leadership, let’s connect.

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And be sure to check out the full Essential Pillars of Strong Leadership series!

➡️ Next up: Expertly Listen: Foster feedback within and outside your team.

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