Guilt of Invisibility Privilege

I’m being pulled in two different directions
Trying to match up to two different sets of perceptions and expectations 
Maybe I can’t follow directions 
On what I should be
On who I should love 
I don’t follow the norm
Navigating this storm 
I’m drowning 
The heart inside my chest won’t stop pounding 
Yearning to be free
I’m aching
My insides are burning

I can’t stand feeling like I’m lying
Inside it’s like I’m dying
to be me
But I feel guilty 
feel guilty
Guilty for just being who I am
I feel guilty
For having the ability 
to walk hand in hand
with the man that I love 
And not hear the whispers or see the stares
I feel guilty
That I can pretend to be without fear
But at night I have the same tears
The struggles I’ve faced throughout the years
They’re pitiful
How would I know what it’s like to be hated?
For just being who I am?
I am, in fact, engaged to a man!
But I’m not straight
See, that’s the hardest part
I’m not gay enough or straight enough
And I feel guilty for this constant nagging
Inside my brain
Get yourself together
There are people who have it worse than you
People who’ve died to live their lives in truth

I feel guilty 
For being able to hide
What’s going on inside my mind

It’s easier to pretend
But I want to be free
My struggle is with invisibility
I just want to scream 
I’m not straight I’m not straight
But people assume
And I don’t correct them.

I feel guilty — 
For being who I am,
And being able to hide.

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