Days missing you

Days are blurred through the shades of gray hues

I see you through my perifial vision

when I turn to smile, I find the reflection of you smiling back.

The nights have turned into blurred visions of pasts memories.

I shared my life with you through thick and thin,

and still in the end I was left holding the umbilical cord.

I have cried, screamed and tried holding on.

Today I’m left standing below,

many gray skies that deepen in my mind.

Your knitting project sits next the arm rest,

still waiting for the warmth of your hands.

The rays of the sun come through the window,

giving the needles some warmth to hold on to.

No more sweaters for the children.

All of the projects have come to a full stop.

This fact of life lingers within the depths of my reality.

Today I have taken a second,

minute an hour, to share with you.

I wish for you to know how grateful I have been

for the breath you gave to me

the day you delivered life into my lungs.

I have lived a selfish life,

have occasionally parted from time to time

away from responsibilities, this I know.

I have been a taker and abuser and I cannot even begin to understand the impact this may have been upon your spirit. Forgive me.

I miss you so dearly, have set my heart upon once again tasting the fideo soup that you often made for me.

Days blur my existence.

and I inhale every bit of love I love life, and everything in between but the memory of you hunts me.

The mere though of not having been

a good person to you makes me terribly sick.

Mama I love you so much.

Do you feel my spirit yearn for your existence?

because at times I can almost swear that you are next to me.

are you?

Fideo dreams and lullabies of the sweet lament

I faithfully hold on, and trust of the idea that your spirit lives on.

redsirens TM ©2000