I Remember

I remember the first time, you looked at me with that look. The clock stopped ticking, my heart stopped beating.

I was too easily accessible.

Too easy to manipulate.

Too easy to reach.

The whore in the house. The cunt of the block, the hoe. That is whom I became.

You set your eyes on me, and I had no choice to listen. You groomed, teased and hurt me. Your stare always reached me, even in a crowded room. Even during holidays and family dinners. I became a wallpaper, no one noticed, no one but you. I became frozen.

I remember my first time.

The room was dark, the bed smelled. The curtains were stained. It was all worthy of the $22 dollar you payed. But who am I to complain. I’m just the whore, the cunt, the hoe.

Your first words, they pierced my ears, broke my heart. Shattered my spirit. Do you even remember them?, I do. Here let me remind you: “Hey there little bitch, come and do me a favor, will yah”. “Sweet hu, real sweet, yeah baby, right there.”

Then silence and finally the awakening to my reality…

“You little bitch, look what you made me do, you little whore”

I remember the first time.

I remember the stained curtains. The smell of your breath, the 22 dollars you threw in my face. The slap across my face, the ripped shirt.

I remembered my first time. I remember you driving me back to the house. The snow on the ground, the smell of turkey in the house. My mothers embraced. Her perfumed hair.

I remember sitting across from you at dinner time. I remember your stare. Your leg reaching for mine under the table. I remember the knowledge that I was your little whore, your cunt. The hoe that was worth 22 dollars.

I remember my first time.

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