What God Hath Wrought — Donald Trump Jumps In

Reed Galen
Jun 16, 2015 · 3 min read

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. It was the time of he whom they call “The Donald” — and he foisted himself upon us again today. His resplendent golden hair shone as he rode his escalator down toward the madding crowd — a modern day Abraham bringing with him his tablets of wisdom. And he shared with us. Oh, did he share.

Trump and his Commandments

He loves China. But he hates them, too. He’s very rich — and he has the paperwork to prove it. He has a golf course — it’s next to the White House — maybe he’ll let us play it. Can’t turn on the air conditioning? Can’t defeat ISIS — its just that simple. People in government are dumb. His opponents — these people! He is smart. He’s the best. The best there ever was, and ever will be. Down through the eons of human existence we have waited — waited for the one whom would deliver us from ourselves and his name is Trump.

The Donald, should he actually decide to go through with his run for the presidency, will bring with it all the best and worst we know of him. He will speak plain truths jumbled up into a stream of consciousness Hunter S. Thompson needed substantial whiskey, weed and acid to achieve. His self-assurance is positively preternatural.

The first debate in August will most likely feature Donald Trump. How the other nine contenders on the stage react to him — and be clear — they will all be reacting to him, will set the tone for the campaign. This is no mere Ron Paul spouting off about the Fed or Michelle Bachman making up…just about everything…out of whole cloth. No, even on Chris Christie’s worst day at a town hall meeting did he encounter anything of Trumptastic proportions.

You can’t plan for what The Donald may say because he hasn’t come up with it yet. His contemporaneous answers will be gold — (Gold Jerry!) — and his stock answers — platinum. Every word he utters the press and chattering class alike will follow — and why? Because we have to see what he’ll say next.

Ross Perot

Trump is Ross Perot without a filter. He is a marketing machine — simultaneously monomaniacal and without the weighty anchor of firm ideology. What’s popular? That’s what he’s for! What are you angry about? Trump is mad, too! Is there a problem everyone agrees should be solved? Trump has the answer! The BEST answer!

Air Force Trump

Without the burden of fundraising, the advantage of his own airplane (black and gold, baby!) and an unending stream of short, punchy stemwinders at his disposal, Trump likely won’t go anywhere electorally, but he’ll make a hell of a lot of noise while trying to get there.

Reed Galen
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