Somedays, I hate myself.
I’ll be honest with you.
Like many women I know, I actually don’t love myself. I don’t look in the mirror and think “you’re pretty” or “you look great without spanx”. On the contrary, my time with myself is usually spent extending the laundry list of “Things I need to fix about my body”. Flabby arms, no abs, cellulite on my flabby thighs…the list, as they say, goes on. The struggle is so real.
I am truly my harshest critic. The most unrelenting, drill-sargeant-like critic. I tell myself I need to look better, feel better, get better…just be better. Because who I am right now is simply not good enough.
That’s the first unfortunate truth: I do not think I’m good enough.
It’s the truth that the voice in my head speaks when look in the mirror. It is the truth that mainstream media preys on in order to sell me the next diet, workout fad or celebrity-endorsed program.
The second unfortunate truth is that I am not the only one. There are millions of women like me.
I, just like many women before me, buy in to the scare tactics, the shaming & the cycle of insecurity required to push product.
We know better — but we struggle to do better. We struggle to do better because our internal dialogue is flawed. Just like a building with a gaping hole in its foundation, we too, will eventually implode.
So, here I am, a 32-year old skinny-fat business exec with high hopes and hella pent-up body image issues. I realised that Crossfit and Zumba were not going to fix the true source of my unhealthy-ness. I needed a more specialised approach.
I enlisted the help of the Richard Palfrey, the Body Engineer, a personal trainer who has actually worked miracles on my boyfriend’s physique and mind-state. I had a brief dissuasion with him about body image issues and I believe that he gets it.
This, is my fitness journey called #buildingreem — an attempt to build a better foundation for a healthy, happy life.
This won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.
Here’s to loving ourselves,