And so I return

I’ve looked at your picture this morning. It was the first time in a while, I must say. I worked so hard to avoid you, it seemed I was forgetting your face.

That recent picture you shared online was everything you looked like back when we were together. The girl I have known and loved so well. I took a glance just to remember your details, feeling so empty that this is the most I can do at this point. It has been 6 months since we last talked, and you became a stranger, who is somehow still familiar after all that time.

I threw my phone on my bed and pretended that was what I truly wanted to do. But looking at you made me miss you even more, and I always had a tendency to torture myself a bit, so I grabbed my phone again. Looking so well at you this time. At your eyes that looked like sunset, at your hair that always smelled like a blend of mango and strawberry, at your lips that I have touched time and time again with the tip of my finger trying to hush you in the middle of the storms that always managed to take away the best parts of ourselves, at your smile that lit my soul up like fireworks. What a roller coaster of emotions that one look at you got me into. I thought I was getting stronger. Wasn’t that the last thing you told me on the phone? “You’ll feel better. I promise.” What a fragile promise that was. What do you know? You’ve always been so good at making everything look alright even if it is a second away from being shattered into pieces.

There you are, everything but mine. I know I was the one to tell you it was too difficult to work things out, but I always thought we’d come back. Maybe you haven’t, but tonight I have, by looking at you..I’m back, I’m here, I have returned, to remembering you. Maybe this is a wave that will soon be gone, but I have no wish to forget you this time. So here, I print your picture and I leave it in my wallet.

I know I wrote “I will always love you the same” at the bottom of the list of the things I love about you, the one I gave you that spring while we were sitting on the park bench, I had my doubts, I was a young boy who didn’t know what he wanted, and maybe I have not changed, but today I know something new, my love. Perhaps, after all, I will always love you the same, even when I move on. Even when I let go. Even when I meet somebody new. Some parts of us will always belong to those who first brought them to life, and that is perfectly fair. Maybe you will always have a bit of my heart that you made beat for the first time in years.

The song goes “I spent my money, I lost my friends, I broke my mobile phone
3:00 am and I’m drunk as hell, and I’m dancing on my own
Taxi cabs ain’t stopping, and I don’t know my way home..”

And I remember you time and time again. And so, I return.