My gut feeling is a shy person!

I’ve spent the past year doing things I shouldn’t have done, and holding on to things I should’ve let go of. I found out later, so much later, that I’ve walked down some dead-end roads, in the company of people who caused me pain, despite their, and my, perfectly good intentions.

It’s easy, of course, to look back and realize that someone should have advised me. Someone should’ve said something, warned me, or tough-loved me out of it even, but who would know what’s right for me but me, right? Wrong. Someone did. Someone who is perfectly a part of me but whom I’d also like to regard as a separate “person”. My gut feeling.

My gut feeling is a smart, shy, introvert who speaks in such a monotone, making it hard for you to stay focused on what he says often times. He is not opinionated at all, which is a bummer really because you would want this kind of people to speak out loud more and kind of “enforce” things. Sometimes I actually think he’s a bit of pushover. You shut him up, and he shuts up. You ignore him, and he says nothing in response. It crossed my mind at times that perhaps he’s too dignified and collected to counter my rude attempts to shush him, and that’s why he just sits there in silence after several times of getting completely disregarded. But gut feeling, I stand here today before you, and I swallow my crappy pride, and I apologize to you, so sincerely.

I’ve heard you SO well throughout the past year, but never really “listened” to you. Everything you thought, every point you made, every note you pointed out was a touche. I’ve been such a teenage brat ignoring everything you had to tell me.

You warned me about people, things, and even plans that I hadn’t even implemented, and all I did was strangle you and tell you to keep quiet. I’m sorry, dear gut feeling.

I encourage you, the community of gut feelings, to stand together, be less shy, be more assertive, yell even sometimes if that’s what it takes to save us, miserable humans who rush into pretty-looking, shiny stuff from the outside.

Gut feeling, please love me still. Please advise me this year and I promise that I will “listen” and take you seriously. You’re wise. Wiser than logic and thinking. Wiser than my friends’ advice, and my family’s consolations.

Yours sincerely,

A 22-year-old with no regrets, and lessons learned ☺

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