Unsubscribe from “People-Pleasing Premium”: Why Discomfort is the New Trend.

My uncle always tells me everyone has the capacity within them to do more, to have more. In his words, it’s all determined by mindset. How they perceive success, how they perceive themselves in the space of success, and how they make use of the environment to be successful. I agree with my uncle, although I have to admit, all this seems so cryptic. I can pretend to understand, but life on the ground is always so different, and this vague statement might help, but the reality always looks so different.

I think my uncle has a point. I think my uncle always has a point, and all this is from a perspective that has seen more than I have seen: a perspective that has touched so many other fields and has experienced a lot more.

Using all this knowledge that I’ve learned from my uncle and my experience as a youngin, I realize now that the key is in discomfort. The key is where one is comfortable being uncomfortable, the courage to experience adversity, hardship, and tension without choosing to run away. This doesn’t seem so cryptic, does it?

During my formative years, I spent a lot of time trying to design my surroundings in a manner that made me comfortable and likable. I was always worried about how I was perceived: am I a good person? Does everyone think I’m a good person? How can I change it? Is there a way I can change it? It was such a hard time; sometimes it felt as if no matter how much I do, there is no way I can change everyone’s perception. Of course, I might be able to change some, but not everyone. What made it even harder was that I was a student leader, and in order for me to be effective and efficient in my leadership, I needed to be more serious, to get things done rather than worry if I am liked enough.

The question remains: do people know that for them to realize their full potential, for them to succeed, they need to embody the courage of not being liked, of them not to be supported?

I’m not refuting contentions on support systems and emotional wellness, which are both crucial in realizing potentials. Everyone needs to be in an environment where they feel safe, accepted, and supported, but is that the reality? And I’m also not saying that in most cases, the entirety of success hinges upon discomfort. What I’m saying is the entirety of achieving our greatest potentials lies in trying new things, tuning out the noise, doing the unusual, doing the courageous things.

With the fear of also sounding cryptic, here are a few tips to embracing discomfort.

• Abandon the fear of missing out on life. The world isn’t going anywhere; it will still be here tomorrow. Those who want to be in your life will always be there, regardless of what you wear, where you are, what you eat, or how you smell — though how you smell is pretty important.
• Let go of rage. Practice other forms of releasing negative energy. Listen to music, pray, join book clubs — invest in knowing more and seek diverse sources of information.
• Stand on business. If you know what you want and how to get it, then do what’s necessary to achieve it. In the end, it will always be you and the decisions you made. The people who stood in your way won’t share your failures; they’ll probably talk about how you failed to achieve what you wanted.
• It is OK to be sad. You cannot wake up every single day chasing happiness. Happiness is a state of mind; it’s not something you can grab and hold onto like a toy. Those who chase temporary feelings of happiness often end up feeling miserable every day.
• Knowledge is power, but will you read? There is so much you can learn about life, about yourself, and about the people around you from just picking up one simple book. Most motivational speakers are just confident fools; don’t be a coward one.
• You do not need to be understood or accepted; you only need to do your job. Don’t go to work or engage in relationships with the mindset that people need to be fair or like you. Focus on getting your job done well and right.
• Create structure for yourself — simple guiding principles for your actions, like what to eat, what not to eat, what to say, what not to say, when to sleep, when to wake up.
• Speak less and don’t argue. Courtesy is listening and constructively pointing out the strengths in everyone’s arguments rather than presenting yours as superior. The more you speak, the more chaotic you seem.
• Do not take things personally; sometimes it’s not about you. When people are unkind or unfair, they’re often just projecting their own issues. If you cannot control something, put it in the back of your mind.

And let me not stand here and write all this as if I’m some kind of guru who has mastered every nit and detail in life about discomfort. The truth is, I still have a long way to go. I love where I am in life right now, but there are still so many things that hold me back. I hope through this article, we can cheer for one another as we continue learning new things about how to realize our fullest potentials.