Dealing with guilt

Guilt is one of the many difficult things people in recovery may face. Despair for past actions add an extra element of darkness to the process. It haunts, it nags and it lingers.

Here are some ways to deal with it.

Embrace ‘healthy’ guilt

It may sound strange to consider “healthy” guilt, but there are benefits to feeling remorse for the damage that substance abuse has caused. As Dr. David Sack explains on psychcentral.com, healthy guilt can be “a catalyst for a positive change in behavior.” Unhealthy guilt, on the other hand, can send someone into a deep depression and lead to other problems.

“Guilt can lead to empathy, or the consideration of how one’s actions affect other people, a skill that is critical for long-term addiction recovery,” Sack writes. “It also encourages people to hold themselves accountable for their actions and make amends for the harm they caused, which helps to ensure they don’t make the same mistakes again.”

Don’t let it define you

When guilt gets to be overwhelming, it can do more than cloud your thinking and judgment. This all-consuming kind of guilt can prevent any form of positivity from working its way into a recovering addict’s life. As Dominica Applegate explains for soberrecovery.com, it “eats up your self-image.”

“It pushes you to identify with your addiction and it will last as long you continue to do so,” she writes. “Being an alcoholic, you may feel like a terrible addict. This thought usually pre-empts any other thoughts that you may have. Try being realistic, as you are not the only person trying to recover from an addiction. Do not identify with your past mistakes or behavior. Start by reviewing all the good things that you’ve done in the past and all of the good things you plan on doing in the future.”

Therapeutic techniques

Beyond rehab centers and support groups — Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous — there are treatments and activities that can help counter the effects of guilt. Dr. Sack recommends volunteer work and meditation, along with ways to build confidence, such as “experiential therapy, adventure therapy and sober recreation, to encourage addicts to try new things and celebrate the changes they’re making. Even though you’ve made mistakes, you are worthy of a second chance at a better life.”

Lean on friends

There will likely be times when people in recovery will want to separate themselves from the rest of the world. To a certain degree, that’s understandable. But as a result the guilt may remain. Getting out with people who are positive influences and supportive of your sobriety efforts can help to reduce the guilt factor. It’s just as important to avoid those who may have a negative effect.

“During the addiction recovery process, it is important to identify an individual you can share whatever you are going through with,” Dominica Applegate says. “This individual can also be your source of support and motivation during those times that you just feel like giving up. For some, it is a 12-step sponsor and for others it may be a partner, friend or counselor.”

Let it go

The past is the past, but guilt can skew someone’s thoughts and make them dwell on those negative moments and incidents that go along with addiction. As Applegate writes, it’s important to reach the point where looking forward is the natural instinct. Making amends may be the necessary step to get there.

“Apologize to the people around you as well as to yourself, and then let go of the thoughts,” she says. “The more you focus on believing that you have to do something more, the more it will go on bothering you and interfere with the recovery process and with your relationships with the people around you. Accept the past, embrace the guilt for a moment, process it and then say goodbye to it.”