Cognac glasses courtesy of Jens Bangsbo

My Best on Medium

Catalog of my favorites and the fans’

Phillip T Stephens
Dec 18, 2017 · 5 min read

It takes me forever to track my best stories on Medium. I hope this will save you time.


Forget Removal

Impeachment proceedings would be an act of public service

As the debate over impeachment intensifies, it may be time to stop worrying whether proceedings would succeed in removing Trump.

10 Signs You’re A Racist

Not about the President. Really.

More people comment on this humor piece than anything else I’ve written, most of them telling me why they’re not racist. This is how I learned another sign you’re a racist, you don’t get irony.


  • Wife sues eHarmony for Estrangement
    Blames online dating group for disastrous end to her marriage.
    Madge Kurbel is suing eHarmony for three hundred million dollars. She says the online dating company ruined her forty-year marriage. She’ll settle for three hundred thousand, the amount she owes her lawyers.
Marge Kurbel rocks on the body of her husband Ralph after they took eHarmony quiz. Creative Cafe recreation
  • Furious George
    The cautionary tale that inspired a classic childrens’ book.
  • Mimicking Human Behavior
    A pointless manual of etiquette and courtesy towards species who will soon remove themselves from the universal equation
One of my alien abductors peruses the book “Handbook of Human Behavior.”
Bestselling authors on humans (left to right) Gx$8bl, xvB+%m, and RG#lbT@ write in styles and on topics as different as their looks. You would do well to emulate their writing.
  • Master Two Simple Shapes to Become a Professional Artist
    Did you ever wonder why your Facebook buddies can make memes and you can’t? Did you ever slave for weeks over a report and have your boss reply, “I don’t want to read. Where are the pretty pictures and charts?” This is your genuine, honest to goodness short cut to creative success

The White House Log

Every story I covered at the White House since the election. (Updated Weekly)

and even more at…

Find more articles from my humor portfolio


  • The Cabin by the Lake
    Essays on Gothic Poetry Chapter 4
    Last August, in Marquette, Michigan, while I walked on the Lake Superior shore, a single ray of sunlight arrested me. It broke through a wall of storm clouds that hovered above a cliff and called my attention to a tableau sculpted within their faces. A man and woman driven apart by the sudden exposure. Her face consumed by shadow, turned away in anger; his face in highlights, enraptured by illumination.
  • Still Life With Suits
    Deconstructing philosophies of Will
    Three men line the table. Their faces turn to a fourth who sits, perpendicular, at the corner end, his eyes lacking focus and staring into the distance. Each wears a charcoal suit, lilac Oxford shirt, and burgundy tie striped with gainsboro gray. Onyx and silver cufflinks engraved with “自律.” The characters represent the Japanese word “Jiritsu”.
  • Digging to Nothingness
    Sharon ignored the doorbell. Carmen stopped her text. “At least talk to him. He’s been ringing for twenty five minutes.”
Murderous thoughts most likely from his recent behavior.
  • A Butterfly Flaps Its Wings In Arkansas:
    Reflecting on the semantics of efficacy at the end of time.
    How elegant were our modeling algorithms? Sleek, pared to two thousand lines. Verifiable, retracable, duplicatable. As exquisite as a butterfly etched into crystal.
  • Happy to See Me?
    Yes, I had a gun. But not in my pocket. No, I wasn’t happy to see her.
Read more stories in my fiction portfolio


  • The Science of Attraction
    We can reduce the science of attraction to four laws:
    1. The force of attraction can be strong or weak.
  • Science Fiction:
    There are things that passion doesn’t know,
    things passion can never tell us
    except that our loins grow
    together with the rising of…
  • Indigo:
    In the spring of passion,
    on the springs of our beds
    we fucked away our future in
    thoughtless careless love.
Read more of my poetry portfolio


Metaphors steer voter behavior. They shape our values and beliefs. We don’t notice their influence because metaphors hide in plain sight, threading through everyday language and thought. (Members story)

Socrates applied his philosophical methods at the dinner table as well as during his classes.

Phillip T Stephens

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Living metaphor. Follow me @stephens_pt.