X Peaks

The Twin Peaks X-Files Crossover Episode

This is an advance preview of the script for episode 13 of Twin Peaks: The Return:

INT. THE BLACK LODGE — TIME UNDETERMINED

DISSOLVE

WIDE SHOT

Super: Thirty years later.

Super (Cont’d): Beyond the borders of time and Twin Peaks

David Duchovny and Kyle MacLachlan confront each other in the Black Lodge

DALE COOPER and FOX MULDER sit in avocado green club chairs in opposing corners. Other than the unnatural neon blue rose in Cooper’s lapel, the avocado provides the only color in the room. The bright red curtains are now gray and the fixtures black. The fabric is stained and streaked as though coated with grime and on the verge of disintegrating. Cooper, now in his late fifties, sits absolutely straight, feet planted on the streaked charcoal carpet, his fingers gripping the chair arms. Mulder, now in his forties, reaches into a bag of sunflower seeds and pops several, unshelled, into his mouth. Underneath the bag is a file folder, the color of the curtains, with an “X” on the cover.

As he chews, Mulder studies Cooper, who stares into empty space.

Mulder: You’re the Blue Rose guy, right? I perused your files when I broke into the Seattle office looking for Cancer Man.

Cooper: .drawkcab klat ylno nac I ,moor siht nI

.drawkcab klat ylno nac I ,moor siht nI

Mulder spits a shell. It lands on Cooper’s shoe. Cooper doesn’t notice.

Mulder: Does anything actually happen in here? In this series? Or does time just drag on forever until someone does something really twisted?

Cooper: .it dehctaw I evil sleeF. kcab dneb smra ym semitemos tuB

Mulder: I was happier when they abducted me and stuck a probe up my ass.

Mulder grabs another handful of seeds and pops them into his mouth. He picks his teeth.

Mulder: That’s some weird shit in those files of yours, man. Not like these:

(Holds up X-File)

Mulder (Cont’d): We get straight up shit. Flying saucers, werewolves, crazy killer computers. Your stuff is esoteric, abstract. Nothing more than anomalies, like: “The owls are not what they seem.”

Cooper: COOPER. COOPER. COOPER. COOPER.

Mulder tosses the bag against the wall.

Mulder: This has got to be hell, right?

Cooper: .noitcif naF .esroW

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