
A Relationship Tip: We Cannot Undo What Has Or Has Not Been Done.
One relationship tip I often offer my clients is the following:
If you and your partner continuously berate one another for all the things that you expected them to have done or what they expected you to have done, then remember this:
There is absolutely nothing that you can do about the past.
You cannot undo anything that has been done, not been done or forgotten about.
Even though you may feel disappointed, angry or annoyed with your partner, there is still nothing you can do about the past. What is done is done — or not done.
And if you truly love and respect your partner, why rub their noses in it?
We are all fallible. We all make mistakes. We are all forgetful from time to time. And life is stressful.
Becoming angry and berating a partner for what they didn’t do in the past — is a total waste of energy. The past is the past. Concentrate on the now, the future — and what needs to be done next.
In other words, learn to nip your judgement in the bud.
It is not helpful and it actually serves no purpose except in making your partner feel like some naughty disobedient child. And for some, this can be very annoying and rather patronising.
Learning this technique will also help you argue less.
It’s always the little things that we allow to build up, that eventually land up destroying love and respect.
Remind yourself each time your partner forgets to do something and so on, that they haven’t murdered anyone and generally most things can be rectified.
And then remind yourself of that excellent book that Richard Carlson wrote called, ‘Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff’.
In this book he rather succinctly writes something like, ‘it is such a waste of our time to be spending our energy on stuff that disempowers rather than empowers.
So ask yourself this — are you empowering or disempowering yourself and your relationship?
If so, you may want to learn this tip.
© 2017 Deidré Wallace. All rights reserved.
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About The Author
I am a fully qualified UK Psychodynamic Relationship Therapist, Life Coach and Teacher.
I am not offering relationship advice, I am offering relationship knowledge.
I encourage people to think differently and I help people understand how and why we choose our personal and business relationships.
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