As a woman, I always had imagined gang bangs to be busy, exhausting, taxing, overwhelming, possibly degrading, difficult to process and dirty affairs.
I had imagined myself having a gang bang, but could never really picture myself having one. I wondered how I might feel, and thought I might be torn between enjoying it and being ashamed of myself and feeling extremely used.
None of this applied to the gang bang I experienced. In fact, my experience was one of profound liberation, of deep satisfaction, of respect, and actually of empowerment.
My partner and I attended a party, and after accidentally having a gang bang, we went back and intentionally had one.
My partner accompanied me to the Dark Room, blindfolded me, helped me undress, guided me to one of the soft podiums, where I knelt and offered myself to the men that immediately started gathering around me, then fucked me one after the other while my partner watched and made sure everything stayed as hygienic as possible.
After a while, staying on my knees became uncomfortable, so I turned around to lay on my back. I never saw the men who fucked me, or how many stood around, just watching and touching me all over. My blindfold started going up a little and I could see the room, so I pulled it down again and kept my eyes shut. Lying on my back allowed for more intimacy, and that was okay for me as long as there was enough distance between me and the men and I didn’t see them.
Sometimes, men would stop before entering me or after slipping out of me again and touch my pussy, or just look at it. Sometimes, men would slap my ass or thighs while they fucked me. Sometimes, they would tell me how beautiful I was, or how thankful they were to be allowed to fuck me, or much how they enjoyed it. Some men just wanted to touch my boobs or caress my stomach, others held my arms above my head.
I never saw the actual men, I only had what I heard and felt, and I enjoyed riding on that. After about five to ten men (I really have no idea), I started having a orgasm that stayed for as long as the men lined up continued fucking me. I blissed out and enjoyed just being fucked and touched by one man after another.
When I really needed to pee (and I damned that moment), I just said we’re stopping now, the men went away without complaints, my partner helped me sit and stand (wow, full circulation really took some time coming back, and I felt very heady, still being on my orgasm high), and we left the Dark Room — to pee, drink water, cuddle, and talk and reflect.
Afterward, I felt energetic, for hours and days on end.
I didn’t feel used at all. I could take the perspective that these men might not get sex elsewhere and took the first opportunity to have it, would have fucked anything that moves, and that to them, I was just an available pussy.
That might be true for some. As my partner told me, others looked like they would like to fuck me, but couldn’t find the courage.
But this is not important at all. Their realities exist and it is very interesting to ponder these, to have my partner describe the different men and then philosophize about their lives and their motivation, but that really is not important.
I offered myself to them. I set the conditions (which my partner communicated). When I wanted to change something, I did it and no questions were asked. I didn’t care for them individually, I didn’t see them, I mainly didn’t even feel them, apart from their hands and their cocks. I don’t care how many of them came, or think I was a good fuck or a bad fuck.
Nothing of that is relevant to my experience. My experience was that I wanted to be fucked by many different men, that they were willing to do it, and that I could just stay with my experience of the situation, just feel my feelings, my emotions, the sensations on my skin, my orgasm, and not care for theirs. They took care of their experience themselves.
I was the center of attention. Whatever I wanted to happen, happened. Whatever I wanted to stop, stopped. For me, that experience was all about myself, and a lot of people contributed to that experience.
You could say I used these men to have a good time. I did, of course. Just as they used me to have a fuck. All actions were completely voluntary, based on consent, and everyone got what they wanted.
I don’t even feel overwhelmed. I could just let go of all expectations of society and focus on myself, be myself. I didn’t need to please anybody. Sometimes I just wanted to lay there and feel, sometimes I wanted to be more active and moved against their thrusts. I was completely focused on pleasing myself, and not on pleasing anybody else.
This is a very liberating feeling.
I feel very grateful, and empowered, and eager to have a repeat experience.
