Why you should stop saying you are “busy”

Busy adj: 1. Engaged in action. 2. Being in use. 3. Full of activity.

It is a fact that modern living is hectic, filled with various activities, commitments and things we must do. This applies across all facets of our lives; social, work, family, community. There is enormous pressure to fill the time we have with meaningful actions, relationships and always be working towards positive outcomes. If you are not doing these things, then you had better have a very good justification for your inaction!

Many years ago, a friend recommended I read Greg Behrendt and Liza Tuccillo’s enormously popular “He’s Just Not That Into You: The No Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys.” It gave her several ‘aha’ moments that she wanted to pass on. My take home from it wasn’t actually about romantic relationships; rather it was the underlying discussion of the modern ‘busy’ phenomena and the painful truth about priorities. All of a sudden, I was aware of people talking about being busy, acting busy, projecting ‘busy-ness’. Here are a few of my thoughts on the matter.

Priorities and Embracing Them (or Not)

When you consider the activities you are involved in, a definite hierarchy develops along the lines of what is a priority; what do you need to/have to/want to do today/in the next hour/right now? This hierarchy is quite fluid; what is a priority right now might not be so in the next month, week, day or minute! Some people are quite conscious of how and why they prioritize their activities. Others, I have noticed, are not. Becoming conscious of our prioritization system and furthermore embracing our priorities is the basis for how we act in the world. Having worked as a Drug and Alcohol Counsellor and using a motivational interviewing framework to assist clients to change, I have seen this firsthand many, many, many times. Change is a very difficult thing to prioritise. I have become very good at playing the “yes, but” game:

Counsellor: So you think that going to the gym will help you cut down on your drinking?

Client: Yes, but I am busy. I just don’t have the time.

Counsellor: I guess I thought the time you would have spent drinking you could instead spend at the gym?

Client: Yes, but I normally drink at home after the kids have gone to sleep and obviously I can’t go out when I have to look after them.

Counsellor: Perhaps the friend we talked about before could come over and mind the children while you go to the gym?

Client: Yes, but I do my housework while the kids are in bed and that’s when I drink too. I’m very busy during the day so it has to wait till nighttime.

And on it goes.

You Are Never Too Busy For The Important Things

The fact is if we really want to/need to do something, we will move hell and high water to make it happen. One minute, the top of your priorities is to get to that important meeting. The next, it could be to leave the office as a loved one is desperately ill. The point here is that if you value one thing above all (a loved one), an important meeting will pale quite quickly in comparison. You may be thinking, “this is so obvious, why are you making such a big deal about it?” I am making a big deal because it is so obvious that everyone knows it, and at times we forget that everyone knows it. So when we say “I’m too busy to do x”, people will start to do a reality check; are you really ‘busy’ or is there something else going on?

Team Relationship Destruction 101

Leading on from the last point, if you really want to destroy your relationships, employ the phrase “I’m busy” or imply it in your interactions with others on a consistent basis. I am not saying that everyone has to say yes all the time; there are limits to what we can do (or want to do) for others, and that is an absolutely necessary thing. But I think honesty and transparency are key here. This is especially crucial in workplaces and team environments, where the support, acknowledgement and valuing of staff is of extreme importance. The best colleagues I have ever worked with have been very busy people, but in my daily interactions with them, I have never felt devalued, ignored or not wanted to engage with them because of their workload. I believe this is what the conscious or unconscious use of the word ‘busy’ does. And some people (such as this excerpt from ‘Seinfeld’ illustrates) use it for this very purpose (eg looking busy makes sure people won’t engage with you to find out you are not all that busy):

Jerry: “I thought that new promotion was supposed to be a lot more work.”

George: “Yeah, when the season starts. Right now, I sit around pretending that I’m busy.”

Jerry: “How do you pull that off?”

George: “I always look annoyed. Yeah, when you look annoyed all the time, people think that you’re busy. Think about it,”

Elaine: “Yeah, you do! He looks very busy!”

Being Busy Does Not Make You More Important

I get the sense that some people seem to think that if you are busy (or act it) somehow this means you are more important that others who have far less on their plates. I’m not actually sure of the rationale behind this; I presume that if you are hard to get a hold of (because you are so busy), then that means many people are vying for your time and why else would people be vying for your time other than that you are important? Unfortunately this is a ruse that many people see through; it doesn’t matter how important you are, you will always make time for what you prioritise. The example of this that I love is from “He’s Just Not That Into You”; the president of the United States is probably the only person who can get away with saying they are too busy to return your call. But I’m sure even they are working on a prioritisation system that is quite similar to yours, albeit with access to different resources!

But I Am Very Busy!

If after reading this you still come to the conclusion that using the term ‘busy’ and living by its tenets is really working for you, I suggest reading a post by Amanda Blesing who exposes the myth of working hard with great clarity. Are you really achieving all you need/want to achieve by being so busy?

Originally published at https://www.linkedin.com on March 7, 2016.