A Good Girl

Where are her limits?

What makes her a good girl? Is it because she’s nice? She studies hard? She does what everyone wants her to? Or is it more that she tries her best, but sometimes falls short? She tries to be nice to everyone? She’s so busy looking out for others that she forgets to look after herself?

Yeah, it’s both. But one type is “better than the other”.

As a girl, I’ve been taught to turn up, keep up and shut up, a phrase I heard being used on Strictly. But not just because I’m a girl. But because I’m me.

I’m not going to try and paint myself as this “good girl”. Truth is, I’m not. Yes, I’m far too nice to people who don’t deserve it. Yes, I get pushed around a lot. But I’m not the good girl. Not anymore, and not the type I’m wanted to be.

I’ll turn up, I’ll keep up, but I can’t promise I’ll shut up. Especially if I’m unhappy. There’s some things that I just can’t stand by and watch. Some things that push me too far. A friend being bullied or disrespected when they don’t deserve it. A loved one faced with injustice. When people don’t listen. I’m not perfect. I try to be nice, but it’s not easy. I try to do well, but that’s also not easy. And what I want to know is, where is (or was) the limit?

Like I already said, I’m not a good girl anymore. Many of us aren’t. Many of us don’t realise that we have been pushed too far and, well, maybe we’re not bitches. But I’m just so much more pissy than I used to be. I’m angrier. I’m sadder. I’m not the same. It works the same way for all the genders. Anyone who gets pushed too far gets sick of it. If you spend your whole life being pushed around, you’ll ask “When’s it my turn to do the pushing?” And you’ll try. That’s how it sometimes is.

Now, other people. Sometimes you’re scared to push people back. I am. I’m stuck in a void. I want to be less nice. But I can’t. Only when I’m really having a pissy day do I manage to be properly mean, and it always makes me feel bad. The message of that is that, yes, you want to push the people who pushed you. But you can’t. That’s also just a part of life.

Now, the people that do all the pushing. All I can think of to ask is this – when? When will you know what it’s like to be pushed around? When will you understand. When will your limit be broken? When are you going to keep quiet and let other people talk? When?

The overall message – well, first of all, don’t push a good person, girl or boy, around. If you have a loyal friend (and let’s face it, they don’t come easy these days), don’t push them to the point of not caring anymore. And if you can’t work out where you stand with someone, maybe it’s time to stop standing and start walking before they push you beyond the limit.

Don’t be like me. Ever.

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