Just Forget About Me

Wouldn’t it just be easier if everything went away?

My new beginning is off to a good start. I’m making new friends, I’m enjoying my course and I don’t feel as lonely as I used to.

Except for that last one.

Honestly? I feel lonelier than ever – and I really shouldn’t. You know there’s a way to be lonely without being alone? That’s where I’m at right now.

Yes, I’m feeling lonely, but not because I’m alone. It’s because I’m stuck with a mind full of memories. That’s it. I keep remembering my old school. But would it be easier if I forgot them and they all forgot me?

What I’m saying is that if there was no memories of the last six years and no pain, wouldn’t I be okay now? I’m not convinced that I would. Without pain, you never gain any strength. It’s how humans work. But do I want to be forgotten? Maybe. And maybe not. It’s sad when someone is forgotten, and I’ve said that before. But what if the forgotten person is someone that no one ever remembered anyway? And what if the people forgetting them couldn’t choose?

I might be saying that I don’t feel I’m worth remembering. Am I? I wouldn’t know. But whether or not I am is only half of it. Does anyone else think I am? Or was I just a mere part of the woodwork? Or is it that people just can’t choose themselves? What was it?

I didn’t know. But I was lonely at school. I was heartbroken. And I really thought it was up to me whether or not I was remembered. I even thought it was up to the people I was surrounded by.

It’s not. It’s really not. What I’m trying to say here is that as sad as forgetting someone is, sometimes it can just be for the better. And it’s just not up to you. It’s not even really up to the people forgetting the memories. It’s just so easy to lose the memories in the swing of life, but it’s just the mind’s way of determining what’s best. Internally, and without conscious decision from you, you know. And it’s okay, because sometimes, it’s just easier for everything to go away.