Modern Dating:

A humorous listicle of the flavors of the week.

Renae Tobias
Aug 9, 2017 · 2 min read

Day 1:

Anti-dickpic (the superhero who can manage a naked selfie with everything except his penis showing)

Dear sir,

I do not even know your real name; I have no desire at this juncture to see you unclothed.

Day 2:

SSG Sweetheart (Foreign romance scammer swearing undying love and asking for $ via Western Union or iTunes gift card.

Dear Sir,

I have reported you to the proper authorities and hope they imprison your conniving ass.

Day 3:

First Date Fucker (the jerk so sure of himself or your desperation that he is convinced all he must do is appear and you will rapturously strip naked and hump like rabbits)

Dear Sir,

Oh HELL No!

Day 4:

Stand-up Guy (Don’t get your hopes up: the one thusly dubbed for standing me up, pleading forgetfulness, and asking pity for having been beat up by a drunk neighbor girl.)

Dear Sir,

You really never get a second chance to make a first impression.

Day 5:

Tits McGee (The special individual who has tits tourettes: you are having a nice conversation and all of a sudden a request is made to see pictures of your tits.

Dear Sir,

I do hope there is a cure for your condition otherwise you will be doomed to a dateless existence.

Day 6:

Kinkmeister (the one who starts a sext with “finger my ass while I suck your butterfly. Call me Daddy and beg for more…”)

Dear Sir,

Most sexting starts normal and moves into the kink. Us ladies need a little warm up before poking the bung.

Renae Tobias

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A poet’s ramblings & a writer’s pipe-dreams; this is what my world is made of.

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